Vacation Jokes / Recent Jokes

January 1, 2000
Dear (enter employee name here)
Re: Vacation Pay
Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 100 year(s). As I'm sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off.
One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service. Please either take 9,400 days off work or notify our office and your next pay cheque will reflect payment of $8,277,
432.22 which will include all pay and interest for the past 1,200 months.
Sincerely,
Automated Payroll Processing

January 1, 2000Dear (enter employee name here)Re: Vacation PayOur records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 100 year(s). As I'm sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off.One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service. Please either take 9,400 days off work or notify our office and your next pay cheque will reflect payment of $8,277,432.22 which will include all pay and interest for the past 1,200 months.Sincerely, Automated Payroll Processing

One day Bill Clinton was talking to Hillary. He was going on a vacation and before he left said, "Whatever you do don't look under my bed." So while Bill was on vacation Hillary got curious and decided to look under his bed. She found a million dollars and 2 empty beer cans. When Bill came home she said, "What's with the two beer cans under your bed?" Bill replied, "Oh. That marks all the times I've cheated on you." "Well, I forgive you," said Hillary, "But then what's with the million dollars?" He replied, "I've started to recycle."

"Were you in Paris on your vacation?""I dont know, my wife got the tickets."

"You Know It's Your Last Day Work jokes When......"You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, "What's this?", you realize you just dropped the company's deposit in a mailbox. A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, "I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This one's your turn". Your boss is standing behind you. It's his wife. While your boss is at lunch, you sneak in and look at some confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee on the keyboard. It shorts out. You return from a week's vacation to find that you had scheduled *this* week as vacation, not last week. You take a "sick" day. The next morning the boss asks you, "So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek yesterday?". You wake up hung over. You have a black eye and barked knuckles. You're in jail. Last night was the company Christmas party.

Dear GOD, In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? -JaneDear GOD, I read the Bible. What does' begat' mean? Nobody will tell me. - Love, AlisonDear GOD, Are you really invisible or is that just a trick? -LucyDear GOD, Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? -AnitaDear GOD, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? -NormaDear GOD, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have now? -JaneDear GOD, Who draws the lines around the countries? -NanDear GOD, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? -NeilDear GOD, What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything. -JaneDear GOD, Did you really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother. -DarlaDear GOD, Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. more...

"I'm Going On Vacation. Could You Suggest A Thrilling Crime Story? " Santa Asks To Banta. "Here This One Is So Suspenseful You Won't Be Able To Put It Down" Replies Banta. "Only On The Last Page Do You Find Out That The Gardener Did It".