Vacuum Jokes / Recent Jokes

Men are like vacuum cleaners. Theyre not much fun, but at least you get to push them around.

A vacuum cleaner salesman insisted on showing me the latest model even though I told him I had no money.
He produced a bag of manure and stomped it into the carpet. Seeing my look of horror he said 'Don't worry. I'll eat the manure if this machine doesn't leave your carpet cleaner than before I arrived."
'Do you want ketchup with it?' I asked.
'Why?' said the salesman.
'Because I had my electricity cut off yesterday,' I replied.

What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common?
When you plug them in, they both suck.

These stories come under the heading:' 'Doc! I was minding my own business when.........

KENNETT, MO - Paramedics rescued a man who had lodged his penis in his bathroom sink drain. The man had been trying to change a light bulb above the sink when he slipped on the lip and fell. His penis sustained heavy bruising and abrasions and swelled so much that he was unable to remove it from the drain. A neighbor, hearing his shouts, called police. They broke the door down, despite the victim's fevered pleas that he was fine and in no need of assistance. Paramedics arrived within 10 minutes and administered an injection, causing the swelling to drop so that the penis could be removed without damage to it or the sink.

LOS ANGELES, CA - Attorney Antonio Mendoza, was released from a trauma center after having a cell phone removed from his rectum.' 'My dog drags the thing all over the house,'' he said later.' 'He must have dragged it into the shower. I slipped on the tile, more...

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife.
The next morning, the manager asked the novice how he made out.
“Well, ” the man began, “I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked her
if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said ‘Yes. ’ Then I asked her ‘Why? ’ She replied, ‘Because I love you. ’”

A woman was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is the vacuum on or off?"