Vehicle Jokes / Recent Jokes

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on
the headlights?

Legalese Night Before Christmas*

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS in Legalese (Author unknown)

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e. g., stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i. e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i. e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part more...

Q: What is a bus?
A: A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

The Night Before Christmas, Legally Speaking: Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") ageneral lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but notlimited to, a mouse. A variety of foot apparel, e. g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixedby and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief thatSt. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus")would arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i. e. thechildren, of the aforementioned House were located in their individualbeds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i. e. dreams, whereinvision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in saiddreams. Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred toas "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the more...

STATE OF CALIFORNIA
DEPARTMENT OF INSURANCE
1700 "J" STREET
SACRAMENTO, CA 95368
PETE WILSON HARRY WALBRATH
GOVERNOR DIRECTOR
BULLETIN NUMBER 95-2374
DATE: OCTOBER 20, 1995
TO: ALL CALIFORNIA INSURANCE AGENCIES
ALL CALIFORNIA DEALERS OF NEW/USED AUTOMOBILES
FROM: CALIFORNIA DEPARTMENT OF INSURANCE
SUBJ: AUTOMOTIVE VEHICLE HEADLAMP DIMMER SWITCH
1. Pursuant to the California Department of Motor Vehicles Act Number DMV 95-79221, all motor vehicles sold in the State of California after November 1, 1995 will be required to have the headlamp dimmer switch mounted on the floor of the vehicle. The dimmer switch must be mounted in a position accessible to operation by pressing the switch with the left foot. The switch must be far enough removed from the left foot pedals to avoid any inadvertent operation and/or pedal confusion.
2. Included in the above act, and beginning January 1, 1996 all other vehicles with steering mounted more...

STATE OF CALIFORNIADEPARTMENT OF INSURANCE 1700 "J" STREETSACRAMENTO, CA 95368PETE WILSON HARRY WALBRATHGOVERNOR DIRECTORBULLETIN NUMBER 95-2374DATE: OCTOBER 20, 1995TO: ALL CALIFORNIA INSURANCE AGENCIESALL CALIFORNIA DEALERS OF NEW/USED AUTOMOBILESFROM: CALIFORNIA DEPARTMENT OF INSURANCESUBJ: AUTOMOTIVE VEHICLE HEADLAMP DIMMER SWITCH1. Pursuant to the California Department of Motor Vehicles Act Number DMV 95-79221, all motor vehicles sold in the State of California after November 1, 1995 will be required to have the headlamp dimmer switch mounted on the floor of the vehicle. The dimmer switch must be mounted in a position accessible to operation by pressing the switch with the left foot. The switch must be far enough removed from the left foot pedals to avoid any inadvertent operation and/or pedal confusion.2. Included in the above act, and beginning January 1, 1996 all other vehicles with steering mounted switches must be retrofitted with a floor mounted dimmer switch of more...

Two Hunters from Michigan (a true story). This is from a radio program, a true report of an incident in Michigan:
A guy buys a brand new Lincoln Navigator SUV for $42, 500 and has $560 monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting in the winter, and of course all the lakes are frozen over. These two guys go out on the lake with their guns, a dog, and of course the new Vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready.
Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and land on, it's going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill.
So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse. Now these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and the more...