Vehicle Jokes / Recent Jokes
A BILL TO REGULATE THE HUNTING AND HARVESTING OF ATTORNEYS
372.01 - Any person with a valid California state rodent or deer hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sporting (non-commercial) purposes.
372.02 - Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait is, however, prohibited.
372.03 - The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside and the vehicle should proceed to the nearest car wash.
372.04 - It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or fixed-wing aircraft.
372.05 - It is unlawful to shout "Whiplash!", "Ambulance!", or "Free Scotch!" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
372.06 - It is unlawful to hunt attorneys more...
A BILL TO REGULATE THE HUNTING AND HARVESTING OF ATTORNEYS372.01 - Any person with a valid California state rodent or deer hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sporting (non-commercial) purposes.372.02 - Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait is, however, prohibited.372.03 - The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside and the vehicle should proceed to the nearest car wash.372.04 - It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or fixed-wing aircraft.372.05 - It is unlawful to shout "Whiplash!", "Ambulance!", or "Free Scotch!" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.372.06 - It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within one hundred (100) more...
WEDDINGS
Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
Is it okay to bring a date to a wedding? Not if you are the groom.
When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is.
A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost effective but also a proven fly deterrent.
For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cumberbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a nasty appearance.
Though uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
Never tow another car using pantihose and duct tape.
When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
Never more...
Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job-primer red and primer gray.
The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
Your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire...on her house
1) Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
2) The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
3) I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my hand through it.
4) I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
5) A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
6) A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
7) I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the other way.
8) I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
9) In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
10) I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision.
11) I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and more...
In view of recent admonitions against jokes maligning any
class of people, I thought I'd put together some examples
of humor that are approved within the Tandem Values. Note
how these jokes arise from existing ones that are not
permitted, showing that humor can be found anywhere.
WRONG: Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?
This joke is offensive to two classes of people, blondes and
coffee drinkers. It might also offend people who do not drink
coffee for religious reasons.
RIGHT: Why can't pigmentally-challenged individuals take a short
rest between job tasks?
Because the Mail Police are reading this joke.
WRONG: How do you kill a pink elephant?
This joke has many problems, as it is offensive to environmentalists,
vegetarians, and elephants of all colors. It also promotes racism
and classism among elephants, and, perhaps, among other species as
well. It should not be sent to the HUMOR sig for these reasons.
RIGHT: more...
1) Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.2) The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.3) I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my hand through it.4) I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.5) A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.6) A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.7) I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the other way.8) I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.9) In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.10) I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision.11) I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.12) I was on my way to the doctors more...