"Insurance Claim Statements" joke

1) Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
2) The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
3) I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my hand through it.
4) I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
5) A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
6) A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
7) I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the other way.
8) I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
9) In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
10) I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision.
11) I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
12) I was on my way to the doctors with rear end trouble, when my universal joints gave way, causing me to have an accident.
13) Upon collision and in a flash of blue, I hit my head, twisted my neck, and tossed the lower part of my body out the side window.
14) To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
15) My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
16) An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
17) I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had a skull fracture.
18) I was sure the old fellow would not make it to the other side of the street when I struck him.
19) The pedestrian had no idea which way to go, so I ran over him.
20) I saw the slow moving, sad faced gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.
21) I was thrown from my car as it left the road, I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
22) The telephone pole was approaching fast. I attempted to swerve out of its way, when it struck the front of my car.
23) The accident occurred with me waving to the man I hit last week.
24) I hit a bus stop sign that was obscured by human beings.
25) The pedestrian was all over the road, I had to swerve a few times before I hit him.
26) A bull was standing near and a fly must have tickled him as he gored my car.
27) A stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
28) I immediately applied my brakes as the vehicle struck the cement wall, thus bringing my car to a complete halt.
29) I left my car unattended for a minute when by accident it ran away.
31) I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress, then we met on impact.
32) I struck the young man with my husband's car. He wanted to call the police but after having a look at my particulars he decided we should go to his apartment and settle things in private.
33) I thought I could squeeze between two trucks when my car became squashed.
34) I thought my car was in reverse but I found otherwise when it lurched forward, doing injury to a parking meter. When the police arrived the meter had expired.
35) I was contemplating continuous travel of a relaxing nature when, without due justification or color of right, my vehicle was struck in the rear by a vehicle driven by a person of obvious sub-normal intelligence.
36) I was on my way through a green light, with 3 witnesses, on the way to the accident that was about to happen.
37) I was thrown from my car as I left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
38) I was unable to control my car when it went berserk and struck another vehicle.
39) I was unable to stop in time, and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers left immediately for a vacation with injuries.
40) My car hit a pothole and came to rest