Vet Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walks into the bar really depressed.
The bartender asks him what his problem is.
“My dog just died and the damn vet charged me Rs 10, 500. ”
Says the bartender: “Wow, that is pretty high. What did the vet do? ”
“Not much. I took the dog in there and told him, you got to help him Doc, this is the best dog I have ever had. The vet pokes at him for a few minutes and says, ‘I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do. ’ I said ‘Come on doc, this is my best dog, there’s got to be something you can do. ’ The vet says, ‘OK, we can try one more thing. ’ He goes over to this cage and grabs this cat and brings it over to the dog and swings it around the dog’s head. The vet says, ‘sorry but he’s gone. That’ll be Rs 10, 500. ’ I said, ‘What! Rs 10, 500 to declare the dog dead? ” He says, ‘Yeah. Rs 500 for the office visit and Rs 10, 000 for the CAT scan. ”

The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found they could buy a cow up in Muncie, Indiana, for $200. 00. They bought the cow from Indiana and the cow was wonderful.
It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away.
If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the more...

I understand that a crow has one less pinion feather than a raven. Therefore how do you tell a crow from a raven? It's a matter of opinion. I duck walks into a drug store and buys a chapstick. The clerk sez, "Will that be cash or charge?" The duck sez, "Just put it on my bill!" Two vultures were in the desert eating a dead clown. The first vulture asks the second vulture: "Does this taste funny to you?" Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don't know the words. Why did the gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chickens foot. I took my bird to the vet because he was sick. The vet said I have bad news and good news. The bird has chirpees, the good news is that it is tweetable! Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove to the Opossum that it could be done! What does a 1, 000 lb. canary say? Here kitty, kitty, kitty! What did the bird say as it was flying over K-Mart? "Cheap - cheap - cheap" What do you get when you run over a bird with your more...

A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian. "Look in the lions mouth," the vet told him."How do I do that?" he asked."Carefully," replied the vet.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. “My dog’s cross eyed. Is there anything you can do for him? ”
“Well, ” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him” So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says “I’m going to have to put him down. ”
“What? Because he’s cross-eyed? ”
“No, because he’s really heavy”

A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vets diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There" says the vet," Your hamster is dead". Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking its head. "Its definitely dead sir", says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be L1000, please". "A L1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man. "Well", says the vet, "Theres my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan".

Santa Claus brings poor Rudolph to the vet. He says to the vet, "Doctor, please do something for my Rudolph. His nose won't light up."
The vet walks out of the room and returns with a pet carrier. He places the pet carrier next to the reindeer, opens it and out steps a cat.
The cat walks around the reindeer and sniffs it.
The cat then walks back into the carrier. The animal doctor takes it out of the room and returns. He hands Santa Claus the bill.
Santa gasps, "$350 dollars! You didn't do anything for my Rudolph and you're charging me $350 dollars?"
The vet shrugged and replied, "That's the usual charge. $50 dollars for the office visit and $300 dollars for the CAT SCAN."