Vicious Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two boys were playing hockey on the pond on Boston Common, when one is attacked by a vicious Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy took his hockey stick and managed to wedge it down the dog's collar and twist, luckily breaking the dog's neck and stopping the attach.
A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Bruins Fan Saves friend from Vicious Animal..." he starts writing in his notebook. "But, I'm not a Bruins Fan", the little hero replied. "Sorry, since we're in Boston, I just assumed you were", said the reporter and starts again. "Red Sox Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific attack..." he continues to write in his notebook. "I'm not a Red Sox fan either!" The boy said. "I assumed everyone in Boston was either a Bruins or Red Sox fan. So, what team do you root for? the reporter asked. "I'm a Yankees fan!" the child beamed. The reporter starts a new sheet in more...

To All Employees: It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timecards that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). Note that unproductive time isn't a problem.What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities.The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter. Thank you, Accounting. Attached: Extended Job Code ListCode Number Explanation
--- 5316 Useless Meeting 5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting 5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting 5319 Waiting for Break 5320 Waiting for Lunch 5321 Waiting for End of Day 5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at more...

Johnny and Kip were playing hockey at Forest Park skating rink. Suddenly a vicious pit bull came up and attacked Kip. Instead of panicking, Johnny sneaked up behind the dog, stuck his hockey stick in the dog's collar, and broke the dog's neck.
A reporter from St. Louis heard about what had happened with the boy and he went to the Johnny's house to him. He asked Johnny how all of this happened, and Johnny told him. Then he asked Johnny if he could write about him, and Johnny said sure. So the reporter pulled out his notepad and started writing, "Blues fan from St. Louis saves friend from vicious dog."
Johnny said, "I'm not a Blues fan."
So the reporter started writing again. "Cardinals fan from St. Louis saves friend from dog."
Johnny said, "I'm not a Cardinals fan either."
The reporter finally asked, "What the hell are you a fan of?"
Johnny said, "I'm a Detroit Redwings fan."
The reporter more...

To All Employees: It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timecards that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). Note that unproductive time isn't a problem. What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter. Thank you, Accounting. Attached: Extended Job Code ListCode Number Explanation ---------- ----------- 5316 Useless Meeting 5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting 5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting 5319 Waiting for Break 5320 Waiting for Lunch 5321 Waiting for End of Day 5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks more...

TO: ALL PERSONNEL
FROM: ACCOUNTING

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time.
Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities.
The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.

Thank you,
Accounting

Attached: Extended Job-Code List
Code and Explanation
5316 Useless Meeting
5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
5319 Waiting for Break
5320 Waiting for Lunch
5321 Waiting for End of Day
5322 more...