Volume Jokes / Recent Jokes
"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. (P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire (P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough (S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft (P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid (S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage (P) Something loose in cockpit (S) Something tightened in cockpit (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear (S) Evidence removed (P) DME volume unbelievably loud (S) Volume set to more believable level (P) Dead bugs on windshield (S) Live bugs on order (P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent (S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground (P) IFF inoperative (S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode (IFF-Identification Friend or Foe) more...
The "pound" key on your keyboard (#) is called an octotroph.
The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat. The "dot" over the letter "i" is called a tittle. Table tennis balls have been known to travel off the paddle at speeds up to 160 km/hr. Pepsi originally contained pepsin, thus the name. The original story from "Tales of 1001 Arabian Nights" begins, "Aladdin was a little Chinese boy." Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously. Honey is the only natural food that is made without destroying any kind of life. What about milk you say? A cow has to eat grass to produce milk and grass is living. The most common name in the world is Mohammed. Michael Jordan makes more money from NIKE annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined. The volume of the earth's moon is the same as the volume of the Pacific Ocean. Cephalacaudal recapitulation is the reason our extremities develop faster more...
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form And then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never Let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some Actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance Engineers.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak more...