Wall Jokes / Recent Jokes

On the wall in ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere." Written just below it: "I do not."

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

A guy, returning home from a trip, noticed that his wife's breasts were larger, so he asked her what she had done.
She replied, "I said mirror mirror, on the wall, make my breasts DD and it happened."
The guy went and stood in front of the mirror, and said, "Mirror mirror, on the wall, make my penis touch the ground."
His legs fell off!

(name withheld) Minnetonka, MN 55345

Superior Health Insurance ATTN: Claims Review 1423 W. 90th St. New York, NY 05016

Dear Sir:

This letter is in response to your recent letter requesting a more detailed explanation concerning my recent internment at Methodist Hospital. Specifically, you asked for an expansion in reference to Block 21(a)(3) of the claim form (reason for hospital visit). On the original form, I put "Stupidity". I realize now that this answer was somewhat vague and so I will attempt to more fully explain the circumstances leading up to my hospitalization.

I had needed to use the restroom and had just finished a quick bite to eat at the local burger joint. I entered the bathroom, took care of my business, and just prior to the moment in which I had planned to raise my trousers, the locked case that prevents theft of the toilet paper in such places came undone and, feeling it striking my knee, unthinkingly, I more...

One day the blonde walks up to a random person and says, "i wonder whats on the other side of that glass wall," so before the random person could answer she said, "ill jst climb over it to whats on the other side," so when she gets to the other side she sees the random person again. Then she climbs back over and says to the person, "on the other side of the wall, there is a person that looks just like you."

Looking for a good place to party on Halloween? Check out these houses!
Bloomington, Indiana
Name: Indiana University
Location: unknown
This building, now used for administrative purposes, was once a stop on the "Underground Railroad". Today, there are many reports of African spiritual songs emanating from the basement.
Elletsville, Indiana
Name: Stepp Cemetery
Location: Morgan-Monroe forest
In this cemetery that is only accessible by foot, during midnight, an apparition of a lady appears on a rock that resembles a chair. On Halloween, many cult groups venture to this place to conduct ceremonies.
Evansville, Indiana
Name: The Gray Lady
Location: Willard Library - First Ave.
When this building was an abandoned train station, many drifters and hobos used it for shelter. During that time, a woman was murdered on the premises, and it is said that she still haunts the building. Her presence is most often felt in the children's more...

"I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job"--George Bush, during his first Presidential campaign"This is a great day for France!"--Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral"Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know?. .. I bet if they did, I hope I would say,' Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'"--George Bush, talking about drug abuse to a group of students"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex. .. uh... setbacks." --George Bush"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change." --Dan Quayle"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here." --Dan Quayle during a more...