Wallet Jokes / Recent Jokes

Social SecurityA retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver`s license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."

A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.
The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."
Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.
The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!"
This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.
The programmer asks the first question. "What's the more...

At an auction in Manchester a wealthy American announced that he had lost his wallet containing £10, 000 and would give a reward of £100 to the person who found it.

From the back of the hall a Scottish voice shouted, "I'll give £150!"

Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.

A rabbi decides, after fifty years, that the time has come for him to retire. He takes a large box, which contains foreskins he has collected over the many years of attending circumcisions, to a manufacturer of leather goods.
"Is there anything you can do with these?" he asks the craftsman.
"Sure, no problem," replies the man. "Come back in two weeks."
The rabbi returns to the shop in two weeks and is presented with a very elegant wallet. Somewhat dismayed, he says to the craftsman, "After fifty years and all those foreskins, is this the best you can do... a wallet?"
"Don't worry," the man replies. "Kiss it a few times and it will grow into a suitcase."

A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight!
Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet.
Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said “Why did you put up such a fight? ”
To which the man promptly replied “I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe! ”

As the Broadway showgirls were dressing for a performance, one of them noticed her friend was no longer sporting a flashy engagement ring. "What happened, Lily?" she asked, pointing to the bare finger. "The wedding off?"
"Yeah," Lily admitted. "I saw him in a bathing suit last week, and he looked so different without his wallet."