Warm Jokes / Recent Jokes

Peggy was visiting her father at the nursing home. "How is everything, Dad," she asks.
"Everything's fine," he replies. "I've been sleeping very well the past few weeks."
"That's good news, Dad. Have they been giving you something to help you sleep?" Peggy asks.
"Yes," he replies. "Every night the nurse gives me a glass of warm milk and Viagra."
"Viagra? Why are they giving you Viagra?" asks Peggy.
"I don't know," replies her father.
Peggy finds a nurse and asks to know more about their sleeping aids.
"We give him warm milk which helps him sleep," the nurse says.
"But why the Viagra?" Peggy asks.
"Oh, that just keeps him from rolling out of the bed," explains the nurse.

Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.
However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen.
A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But, the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and, hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds.
The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.
The moral of the story:
1. Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2. Everyone who gets you out of the crap is not necessarily your friend.
3. And, if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, keep your mouth shut.

Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen.A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But, the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and, hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds.The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.The moral of the story:1. Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy.2. Everyone who gets you out of the crap is not necessarily your friend.3. And, if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, keep your mouth shut.

Luke was talking to his fiancée, Rebecca, and he said, “Be honest, now, baby. How am I as a lover? ”
To which she replied, “Honey, I would definitely say that you’re warm. ”
“Really? ” he said excitedly.
“Yes, in fact I would say that you’re the dictionary definition of the word ‘warm’. ”
Luke was pleased until he went home and, just for fun, checked his dictionary and found, “WARM: Not so hot. ”

There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house, so she called the contractor and set an appointment to meet with him.

When the contractor comes to her house they do a walk-through and he asks her what colors she would like. When they come to the living room, she tolls him that she would like a nice and warm cream color.

The contractor writes something down on his pad then walks to the window and yells "Greenside up."

The lady gets a little confused, and they continue to the dining room where she tells him, "I would like a nice warm white in here, nothing stark."

The contractor writes something down on his pad again, then walks to the window and again yells, "Greenside up!"

The lady is really confused now but still does not say anything. They continue to her bedroom and she says, "I would like a nice, cool, relaxing blue in here."

The contractor writes something on his pad and more...

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.

As the frozen bird lay in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Management Lesson:
1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) When you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

There once was a nonconformist bird that decided not to fly south for the winter. He said "I've had enough of this flying south every winter, I'll just stay right here on this farm, what's the big deal, anyway?"
So he stayed. Winter came and was very cold, the nonconformist bird had never felt such cold weather and was afraid that he might freeze to death. Realizing he had made a big mistake by staying, he headed to a near by barn for shelter. On his way to the barn it began to snow. The poor bird was cold, tired and hungry. "Why did I stay?" he asked himself as he collapsed on the ground. As he lay there covered by the snow, a cow happened by. The cow, feeling the need to relieve himself, crapped right on the bird. At first being angry the bird said, "Who did this horrible thing to me, how dare someone crap on me, I'll get him for this!" The crap was too heavy for him to free himself. But, after a while the crap began to warm him and he forgot all more...