Washing Jokes / Recent Jokes
At an international women's conference the topic for discussion was: How to empower women in the home.
The first speaker was the British representative. She stood up and said, "I decided to make a stand against my husband's oppression and so I told him that I would no longer be doing the washing. After the first day I saw no result; after the second day I saw nothing; but after the third day he did his own washing."
The delegates applauded this brave stand for women's rights.
The second speaker was from America. She stood up and said, "I told my husband that I was no longer prepared to cook for him as it was a form of enslavement. After the first day I saw no result, after the second day I saw no result; but after the third day he cooked a meal for the both of us."
Again the conference applauded.
Next came the Australian delegate. She said, "I told my husband that I would no longer be doing the shopping. After the first day I saw nothing, more...
Q: What's a blondes' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: Why do blondes drive VW's
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!
Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1 So brunettes can remember them.
A2 Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde? ???
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: Why did more...
a blonde went into a washing machine store and she asked if they had any T.Vs the manager said to her get out you dumb blonde so she went to the beauty parlor and dyed her hair black so she went back to the washing machine store again and asked for a t.v so the manager said blondes are so dumb so she replied how do you no that im a blonde? because blondes are DUMB.
THIRTY MINUTES TO A CLEANER HOUSE
You're getting company in 30 minutes. Your house is a mess. WHAT WILL YOU DO?
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the first session of Housekeeping Tips for Regular People. If you're a Martha Stewart type of housekeeper, this column is NOT for you.
However, for the rest of you, this is your chance to learn 15 Secret Shortcuts to Good Housekeeping that your mother never told you.
SECRET TIP 1: DOOR LOCKS
If a room clearly can't be whipped into shape in 30 days-much less 30 minutes-employ the Locked Door Method of cleaning. Tell anyone who tries to go in the room that the door is intentionally locked.
CAUTION: It is not advisable to use this tip for the bathroom.
Time: 2 seconds
SECRET TIP 2: DUCT TAPE
No home should be without an ample supply. Not only is it handy for plumbing repairs, but it's a great way to hem drapes, tablecloths, clothes, just about anything. No muss, no fuss.
Time: 2-3 minutes
SECRET TIP more...
Basic rules for the C&D Method of instrument flight are fairly well known and are extremely simple. Here’s how it’s done:
1. Place a live cat on the cockpit floor; because a cat always remains upright. It can be used in lieu of a needle and ball. Merely watch to see which way the cat leans to determine if a wing is low and if so, which one.
2. The duck is used for instrument approach and landing. Because of the fact that any sensible duck will refuse to fly under instrument conditions, it is only necessary to hurl your duck out of the plane and follow it to the ground.
There are some limitations to the Cat and Duck Method, but by rigidly adhering to the following checklist, a degree of success will be achieved which will surely startle you, your passengers, and even an occasional tower operator.
1. Get a wide-awake cat. Most cats do not want to stand up at all. It may be necessary to carry a large dog in the cockpit to keep the cat at attention.
2. Make more...
MAKING COFFEE Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir.. gently, and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk. LAYING A CARPET Laying a carpet is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, nail her, then walk all over her. If you're adventurous - like me - you might like to try an underlay. HANGING WALLPAPER Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful woman. Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork. PUTTING UP A TENT Putting up a tent, is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole an'.. slip in to the old bag. WASHING A CAR Washing a car, is very much more...
MAN DIES IN FREAK ACCIDENT CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. (Nov. 13) --
A 39-year-old Charlottesville Man died Thursday in a freak accident involving his washing machine.
According to police reports, Samuel Randolph Strickson was doing laundry when he tried to speed up the process. Strickson apparently tried to stuff approximately 50 pounds of laundry into his washing machine by climbing on top of the washer and attempting to force the clothing into the basin. Strickson then apparently accidentally kicked the washing machine's ON button. When the machine turned on, Strickson lost his balance and both feet went down into the machine, where they got stuck.
The machine started its cycle, and Strickson, unable to free himself, started thrashing around as the machine's agitator went into gear. Strickson's head banged against a nearby shelf in the laundry room, knocking over a bottle of bleach, which poured over Strickson's face, blinding him.
Forensic reports say more...