Washing Jokes / Recent Jokes

Having detailed the concept of attitude control, there is another method which you may prefer. For reasons that will become apparent, it is recommended for those pilots whose airplanes have large, easily cleaned cabins. Known as the “Cat and Duck Method” of instrument flight, it has received much publicity and is considered to have a great deal of merit by those who have not tried it. No reports have been received from those who did try it, and none are expected. Pilots are invited to assess its merits objectively.
Basic rules for the C&D Method of instrument flight are fairly well known and are extremely simple. Here’s how it’s done:
1. Place a live cat on the cockpit floor; because a cat always remains upright. It can be used in lieu of a needle and ball. Merely watch to see which way the cat leans to determine if a wing is low and if so, which one.
2. The duck is used for instrument approach and landing. Because of the fact that any sensible duck will refuse more...

Which of the following doesn't fit?
A Vacuum Cleaner
A Refrigerator
A Washing Machine
A Woman?
The vacuum cleaner. everything else leaks when it's fucked

What is the difference between a washing machine and a sorority girl?
You can throw your load in a washing machine and it won't follow you around for three weeks.

A newly married couple returned to their house after being on honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs and have a shag?" the husband asked. "Shhh!" said the bride, "All the neighbours will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking' Have you left the washing machine door open?' instead?" So the following night the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?" "No, I definitely shut it", replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep. When she woke up however, she was feeling a little amorous herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?" "No thanks," said the husband, "It was only a small load and I've done it by hand."

WOMEN'S RIGHTSThe following took place at an international conference for women's rights. The first speaker, a lady from England stood and said, "During last year's conference, we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference, I went home and told my husband, Barrington, that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day, I saw nothing. The second day, I saw nothing, but on the third day, I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb." (The crowd cheered). The second speaker from Russia, stood up and said, "After last year's conference, I went home and told my husband, Ivan, that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself.The first day, I saw nothing. After the second day, I saw nothing, but on the third day, I saw that he had done not only his own washing, but mine as well. (The crowd again cheered). The third speaker, a Jamaican lady, stood up and said," more...

An eight-year-old boy went into a shop and picked out a large box of washing powder. The shopkeeper asked him if he had a lot of washing to do.
"Oh, no," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog," said the shopkeeper. "It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the washing powder to the counter and paid for it.
A week later, the boy was back in the store to buy some sweets. The shopkeeper asked the boy how his dog was doing.
"Oh, he died," the boy said.
The shopkeeper said he was sorry, but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."
"Well, the boy replied, "I don't think it was the washing powder that killed him."
"Oh? What was it then?"
"I think it was the spin cycle!"

These are supposedly actual signs that have been found in and around parts of England.
Sign in a Laundromat Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out
Sign in a London department store: Bargain basement upstairs
In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken
Outside a farm: Horse manure per pre-packed bag do-it-yourself
In an office: After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board
On a church door: This is the gate of heaven. enter ye all by this door.(this door is kept locked because of the draft. please use side door.)
Outside a secondhand shop: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?
Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales: The town hall is closed until opening. it will remain closed more...