Washington Jokes / Recent Jokes

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.
- Mariah Carey, pop singer "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents The police are not here to create more...

THE US Senate has overwhelmingly approved Washington's nuclear deal with New Delhi, in which India recieves access to civilian nuclear technology and in return, America gets its tech support departments back.

A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to “enforce the laws pending. ” He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, “Looks like you’ve had a pretty good day. Mind if I inspect your kill? ”
The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden. The warden took one of the ducks, inserted his finger into the duck’s rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, “This here’s a Washington state duck. Do you have a Washington state hunting license? ”
The hunter pulled out his wallet and calmly showed the warden a Washington state hunting license. The warden took a second duck, inserted his finger in the bird’s rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, “This here’s an Idaho duck. Do you have an Idaho state hunting license? ”
The hunter, a bit put out, produced an Idaho state hunting license. The warden took a third duck, conducted the same finger test, and said, “This here’s an Oregon state duck. Do you more...

Nationals general manager Jim Bowden has resigned after being accused of skimming signing bonuses given to Latin American prospects. But since it's Washington DC, Bowden is one of the cleanest guys in town.

Washington Nationals pitcher Joe Beimel said he'd like to go to another team. In fairness, Washington's entire front office would like to do the same.

President Clinton and Saddam Hussein were having a meeting in Baghdad to discuss a recent crisis.
Halfway through the meeting, Hussein hit a button on his armrest, a fake arm flew out and struck Clinton in the face. A short while later, Hussein hit another button and Clinton ducked, only to be kicked in the butt. Some minutes later, this happened again. An angry Clinton called a break and the two decided to meet again later, this time in Washington.
Hussein arrived in Washington and the two sat down in Clinton's office to resume their meeting. A few minutes into the discussions, Clinton hit a button and Hussein ducked, but nothing happened. Minutes later, Clinton hit another button and Hussein ducked, but again nothing happened.
When this happened a third time, an angry and paranoid Hussein jumped up and yelled, "Enough of this! I am returning to Baghdad immediately!"
Looking at Hussein with a sly smirk, Clinton calmed replied, "What Baghdad?"

A judge in Washington ruled that paper money is unfair to blind people.
What he didn't see is being blind is unfair to blind people.