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Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes

Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends

Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon

Yo mama so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read

Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind

Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl

Yo mama so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!

Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!

Yo mama so stupid she more...

Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married years.
Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides.
Bob would ask, and Sue would say, "No way, ten dollars is ten dollars."
The years went pay, and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show, explaining, it's free to watch, let's at least watch.
And once he got there the feeling become real strong. Sue and Bob started an arguement.
The Pilot, between flights, overheard, listened to they problem, and said, "I'll tell you what, I'll take you up flying, and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if you back one sound, you pay ten dollars.
So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could.
Heading to the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admited defeat and went more...

Here are some excuses for if someone asks you to do something with them...
I'd love to but... I have to floss my cat.
I'd love to but... I've dedicated my life to linguini.
I'd love to but... I want to spend more time with my blender.
I'd love to but... The President said he might drop in.
I'd love to but... The man on television told me to stay tuned.
I'd love to but... I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
I'd love to but... I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
I'd love to but... It's my parakeet's bowling night.
I'd love to but... It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
I'd love to but... I'm building a pig from a kit.
I'd love to but... I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
I'd love to but... I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
I'd love to but... There's a disturbance in the Force.
I'd love to but... I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
I'd love to but... I more...

It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the world after they inherit it.

There was a farmer who had a brown cow and a white cow and he wanted to get them bred, so borrowed his neighbor's bull and turned it loose in the pasture. He told his son to watch and come in and tell him when the bull was finished. "Yeah daddy, yeah daddy," said the little boy. After a while the boy came into the living where his father was talking with some friends. "Say, Pop," said the boy. "Yes," replied his father. "The bull just screwed the brown cow!" There was a sudden lull in the conversation. The father said "Excuse me" and took his son outside. "Son, you mustn't use language like that in front of company. You should say' The bull "surprised" the brown cow'. Now go and watch and tell me when the bull "surprises" the white cow." The father went back inside the house. After a while the boy came in and said, "Hey, Daddy!" "Yes, son. Did the bull "surprise" the white more...

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser." "Oh really, hmm, didn't know that." Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!" "Oh really, hmm, didn't know that." Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakable!" The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped hi m on the shoulder and said, "I more...

There were three Eskimos in Alaska and one time, while they were at
their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was outside
and how cold their igloos were.
They could agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest.
So they decided to determine who indeed had the coldest igloo.
They went to the first Eskimo's igloo. He said, "watch this,"
and took a big breath and exhaled. His breath froze into a big
lump and fell to the floor.
"Wow, that's colder than mine," said the second Eskimo.
But the third Eskimo exclaimed that his igloo was colder still. So they
ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo. He said, "watch this," and
went into the bedroom. He threw back the thick furs and retrieved one
of several small balls of ice there. He took the ball and put it
in a spoon & held a match under it.
When it heated up enough, it went, "FFFFAAAARRRRTTTT".