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INTELLIGENCE IS A BYPRODUCT OF EVOLUTION Three Apple engineers and three Microsoft employees are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Microsoft employees each buy tickets and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a Microsoft employee.
"Watch and you'll see," answers the Apple engineer.
They all board the train. The Microsoft employees take their respective seats but all three Apple engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The Microsoft employees saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
So after the conference, the Microsoft more...

Top Ten Caddy Comments
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer more...

A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police.

"For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom."

When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him, "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn't sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?"

"What?" said the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?"

"I gave it to the first one," said the wife, "he knew exactly where it was."

Precisely nine months after the young couple were married, the wife was rushed to the hospital with an urgent call from the stork. Shortly after her arrival, the doctor came out of the delivery room and told the husband he was the father of a bouncing baby boy.
The new father consulted his watch, and said, "Well, nature certainly is precise. It's exactly seven o'clock."
Twenty minutes later, the doctor came out again, all smiles. "Congratulations again," he said. "You're also the father of a baby girl."
"Yessir, doc," came the father's reply, "right to the minute." Then, glancing at his watch, he added, "Well, I guess I'll go out and have a drink. There isn't another one due until ten-thirty."

See Mother. See Mother laugh. Mother is happy. Mother is happy about
Christmas. Mother has many plans. Mother has many plans for Christmas.
Mother is organized. Mother smiles all the time. Funny, funny Mother.
See mother. See mother smile. Mother is happy. The shopping is all done. See
the children watch T.V. Watch children, watch. See the children change their
minds. See them ask Santa for different toys. Look, look, Mother is not
smiling. Funny, funny Mother.
See Mother. See Mother sew. Mother will make dresses. Mother will make
robes. Mother will make shirts. Look... Mother put the zipper in wrong.
See Mother sews the dress on the wrong side. See Mother cut the skirt too
short. See Mother put the material away until January. Look, look, see
Mother take a tranquilizer. Funny, funny Mother.
See Mother. See Mother buy raisins and nuts. See Mother buy candied
pineapple and powdered sugar. See Mother buy flour and dates and pecans more...

A cat matures as it grows older.
Back hair on cats is cute.
Cats comfort you when you are sick.
When a cat sleeps all day it's natural, not annoying.
Unlike a man, a cat can fend for itself.
A cat is loyal.
Cats actually think with their heads.
"Meow" is never a lie.
They'll both stand outside your door and whine, but the cat will stop when it gets in.
It's more amusing to watch a cat try and deal with a piece of tape stuck on its paw than to watch a man do anything.
To buy a fancy dinner for a cat only costs 35 cents.
A cat's friend is less likely to be annoying.
Cats can't show love without meaning it.
Cats are always cute.
It is legal in all states to neuter a cat.

Activate:
To make carbons and add more names to the memo. Advanced Design:
Beyond the comprehension of the ad agency's copywriters. All New:
Parts not interchangeable with existing models. Approved:
Needs revising Automatic:
That which you cannot repair yourself. Channels:
The trails left by interoffice memos. Clarify:
To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground. Conference:
A place where conversation is substituted for the loneliness of thought and the dreariness of labor. Confidential Memo:
No time to photocopy for the whole office. Consultant:
Someone who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is and then walks away with the watch. Forwarded For Your Consideration:
You hold the bag for a while. FYI:
Found yesterday, interested? In Conference:
Nobody can find him/her. Let's Get Together On This:
I'm assuming you're as confused as I. Note & Initial:
I'm not taking more...