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There were three guys on the C.N. tower and the tour guide told
them that if either one of them could throw their watches over
the side and run down and catch it, they would win 1 million
dollars.
The first guy threw his watch over and when he got down, it was
shattered into a million pieces. The same thing happened to the
second guy. The third guy threw his watch over, went home and got
a shower, had his dinner, and came back and caught his watch.
The all wondered how he did it and he said, " I set it two hours
slow"

There were these three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were at their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They could agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided to determine who, indeed, had the coldest igloo. They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said "Watch this!" and poured a cup of water into the air. Well, the water froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor. "Not bad" said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their igloo was colder still. So they went to the second Eskimo's igloo, and he said "Watch this!" and took a big breath and exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to the floor. "Wow, that's colder than mine!" said the first Eskimo. But the third Eskimo exclaimed his was colder still. So they ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo. He said "Watch this!" and went into the bedroom, threw back the thick more...

How to tell a Democrat from a Republican during the Holiday Season
by John Carlson And you thought you could tell Republicans from Democrats by how they vote. Not so! Just observe how they act during the holidays: Republican say "Merry Christmas!" Democrats say "Happy Holidays!"
Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending $50 to the Salvation Army. Democrats help the poor by giving $50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.
Democrats get back at Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes. Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.
Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve. Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning
When toasting the Holidays, Republicans ask for sherry or mulled wine. Democrats ask for egg nog.
When not in stores, Republicans use a catalog. Democrats watch for "incredible tv offers" on late night television.
Democrats do more...

"When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch
your step. If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your
language. Thank you."

And you thought you could tell Republicans from Democrats by how they vote. Not so! Just observe how they act during the holidays:
Republican say "Merry Christmas!"
Democrats say "Happy Holidays!"
Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending $50 to the Salvation Army.
Democrats help the poor by giving $50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.
Democrats get back at Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes.

Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.
Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve.
Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning
When toasting the Holidays, Republicans ask for sherry or mulled wine.
Democrats ask for egg nog.
When not in stores, Republicans use a catalog.
Democrats watch for "incredible tv offers" on late night television.
Democrats do a lot of their shopping at Cost-Co and more...

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train.
The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and more...

Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.