Ways Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, Put it down. 3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her. 4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! 5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you do not want to hear. 6. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it. 7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks. 8. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way. 10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear more...

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong with the car and it breaks down. Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, "Oh, it's Sunday night and my car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?
"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke."
She looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties.
"Okay", she says.
After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to get a little horny just thinking about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"
They say, more...

Southwest Airlines makes humor a high priority. Here are some actual humorous statements by airline flight crews: "Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it`s warm, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where it`s dark, windy and raining. Why in the world y`all wanna go there I can`t imagine." "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position." "Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments." "We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to a seat outside on the wing of the airplane." "Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the p lane immediately." "There may be 50 ways to leave your more...

One night a woman is driving down a country road when her car breaks down. Fortunately, there's a farmhouse nearby so she asks the farmer if she can stay there for the night.
"Well," the farmer drawls, y'all can stay here but don't go messin' with my sons, Billy-Bob and Earl."
Looking through the screen she's able to see two young men in their early twenties. "Okay," she says.
After they had all gone to bed for the night the woman starts to get a little horny just thinking about the two young men in the next room. So, she sneaks into their room and says, "Hey boys, how would you like me to teach you the ways of the world?"
"Huh?" ask the puzzled young men.
"There's only one condition," she says. "I don't want to get pregnant so you have to wear these rubbers. She then puts them on the boys and the three of them go at it all night long.
Thirty years later, Billy-Bob and Earl are sitting out on the front more...

Rules Husbands wished Wife knew
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.

Don't cut your hair. Ever.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present!

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and monster trucks.

Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like ever other cat.

Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.

Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Shopping is not a sport.

Anything you wear is fine. Really.

You have enough clothes.

You more...

Top Ten Ways Michael Jackson Would Be Cooler if He Lived in the Star Wars Universe
1. Due to high loss-of-hand rate, wearing one glove is fashionably acceptable.
2. Would not have needed huge effects budget for' Captain EO'.
3. In shocking revelation, he might have really been the father of Billie Jean's son.
4. Could really walk on moons.
5. After skin-altering disease, could become Light Lord of the Sith.
6. Could ease tensions between Empire and Alliance with anti-violence message of' Beat It'.
7. Imperial breath mask could give him the deep voice he never had.
8. Improved medical technology could make new nose and chin more realistic.
9. Would have sure-fire hit with Sy Snootles duet
10. Would strengthen characterization of movies by making Luke look manly.

The following are a few simple ways to keep burglars out of the house by putting a few signs in well-placed locations.Dear Mr. Butcher, starting tomorrow, please leave eight pounds of meat for Brutus. Six pounds only makes him angry and vicious!Dear Mr. Mailman, we found bloodstains all over our mail. They must be yours. The next time you put mail into our slot, please be sure to keep all parts of your body well clear of all openings. P.S. - Any sign of that book we sent for, "The Care and Feeding of Wild Jungle Cats"?Selma, don't come in! The boa constrictor got loose again...Dear Mr. Exterminator, be very careful when you go inside! The termites have eaten through most of the floorboards and you will fall into the basement where all of the rats are!To whom it may concern: Some of the items in this house have been engraved with Federal Identification Numbers. Others have merely been wired to explode when touched. Good luck...