Wedding Jokes / Recent Jokes

Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. Your orgasms are real. Always. Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow. Wedding plans take care of themselves. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president. You can wear a white shirt to a water park. Foreplay is optional. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut. The world is your urinal. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky. Same work.. more pay. Wrinkles add character. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. Wedding Dress $2000 Tux rental $100.' Nuff said.. If you retain water, it's in a canteen. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. Princess Di's death was just another obituary. The occasional well-rendered belch is more...

The wedding was over, and the reception was in full swing. Dave an usher, was having a great time with other members of the wedding party. His wife, Betty was not. "Dont be to mad at Dave," a friend told her. "He did a terrific job. Id be glad to have him usher at my wedding." "Yeah," Betty replied, "I wish he had been an usher at mine."

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are quite excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter. "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "Many kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?"
Pharmacies: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about Viagra?"
Pharmacist: Hesitates slightly but answers, "Of course."
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's?"
Pharmacist: more...

Men should never marry a woman for her beauty alone. That is rather like buying a house just because you like the way it's painted.
My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, and so made sure that she would stay, in better spirits night and day.
My opinions are my wife's, and she says I'm damn lucky to have them.
My other wife is beautiful.
My wife and I have a perfect understanding; I don't try to run her life and I don't try to run mine.
My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it.
My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them.
My wife ran off with my best friend last week. Gawd, I miss him!
My wife says if I go fishing one more time she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.
My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.
Not all men are fools. Some are bachelors.
Nowadays, the only place a single woman can find the best man is at a wedding.
One of more...

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..." How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's told. I married Miss Right. I just didn't more...

Men should never marry a woman for her beauty alone. That is rather like buying a house just because you like the way it's painted.My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, and so made sure that she would stay, in better spirits night and day.My opinions are my wife's, and she says I'm damn lucky to have them.My other wife is beautiful.My wife and I have a perfect understanding; I don't try to run her life and I don't try to run mine.My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it.My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them.My wife ran off with my best friend last week. Gawd, I miss him! My wife says if I go fishing one more time she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.Not all men are fools. Some are bachelors.Nowadays, the only place a single woman can find the best man is at a wedding.One of the safest ways to assure a happy marriage is to be sure more...

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Farmer's Branch, Texas:Customers waiting for car repairs at Swedish Auto Incorporated now have an alternative to reading old magazines.William Signs, owner of the garage, is offering a free marriage ceremony with any 30,000-mile inspection on Hondas, Volvos and BMWs. For the $290 price of the inspection, he will throw in the cost of being married by the local justice of the peace, a $25 value.The inspection comes with a warranty, but there is no guarantee on the marriage. Then again, the justice of the peace, Judge Bob Forman, suggests, "Maybe the car will break down and the marriage won't." He says he hasn't seen anything like this stunt since his days as a practicing attorney, when a client asked him to draw up wills for employees in lieu of cash bonuses at Christmas.Signs said he got the idea during a trip to Las Vegas, where he more...