Week Jokes / Recent Jokes
A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to take up
farming.
He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, "Give me 100 baby
chickens." The co-op man complies.
A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens." The
co-op man complies.
Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says, "Give me 500
baby chickens."
"Wow!" the co-op man replies. "You must really be doing well!"
"Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or
too far apart!"
6. 00& G-Had TV. Morning prayers.
8. 30 Talitubbies. Talitubbies say "Ah-ah". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher.
9. 00 Shouts of Praise. More prayers.
11. 00 Jihad`s Army. The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.
12. 00 Ready, Steady, Jihad! Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects.
12. 30 Panoramadan. The programme reports on Americas attempts to take over the world.
13. 30 Xena: Modestly dressed Housewife. Xena stays at home and does some cooking.
14. 00 Only Fools and Camels. Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas.
14. 30 Green Peter. The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed.
15. 00 Madrasah Challenge. Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions.`Starter for ten, no praying.`
15. 30 I Love 629. A look back at the events of the year, including the more...
T’was the week before Christmas and all through the school Not a pupil was silent, no matter what rule. The children were busy with paper and paste; The mess that they made with it couldn’t be faced.
The teacher half frantic and almost in tears, Had just settled down to work with her dears, When out in the hall there arose such a clatter up sprang the kids to see what was the matter!
Away to the door they all flew like a flash; The one who was leading went down with a crash. Then what to their wondering eyes did appear But a green Christmas tree! (To decorate I fear!)
When the teacher saw this, she almost grew sick. She knew in a moment it must be (the janator) Old Nick! She ran to the door (all her efforts were vain) But she shouted, and stamped, and she called them by name;
”Now Tommy! Now Sandy, Now Judy and Harry! Stop Billy! Stop Robert! Stop Donny and Sherry! Now get to your places get away from the hall Now get away! Get away! more...
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO.
This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall.
The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!
The CEO, walks up the guy and asks - "and how much money do you make a week?"
Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $200.00 a week. Why?"
The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams - "here's a week's pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks - "does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?"
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters -
"Pizza delivery guy".
A very proper man started going into the neighborhood drug store every week and buying 2 dozen boxes of condoms. Week after week, he would come in with the same order.
One day, the druggist felt he had to say something to the man.
"Wow! You must have the stamina of a bull. Talk about getting lucky! How on earth do you use that many condoms a week?"
The man looked at him in disgust and said, "I beg your pardon, but I find the whole idea of sex repulsive!"
So, the druggist asked, "Then what do you do with all those condoms?"
The gentleman answered, "I feed them to my poodle and now she shits in little rubber bags."
A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber runs out and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay and the surgeon decides to leave the bullets where they are as it is too risky to operate.
All is fine for 16 years and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. "What's wrong," asks the mother.
"Well, mum, I was having a wee and this bullet came out," replies the daughter. The mother tells her it is okay and explains what happened 16 years before.
About a week later the second daughter walks into the room in tears.
"Mum, I was having a wee and this bullet came out." The mother tells her what happened 16 years before and tells her not to worry.
Another week passes by and the son walks into the room in tears.
"It's okay," says the mother, "I know what has happened, you were having a wee and a bullet came out."
"No," says the boy, more...
ARKANSAS MOTHER WRITES HER SONDearest Redneck Son, I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though. Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain... we haven't seen them since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried more...