Week Jokes / Recent Jokes

(Forwarded by a mate in the UK)
A mother had three daughters. She asked all three of them to make sure they wrote home after their weddings and tell her about married life.
The first daughter wrote back on the second day after her marriage. The letter arrived with a single message, "Maxwell House Coffee."
Mother was confused but finally noticed an advertisement for Maxwell House Coffee. The advertisement said "Satisfaction to the Last Drop." So, Mother was happy.
Then the second daughter got married and after a week she sent home her reply. The message simply read "Rothmans."
So the Mother looked for an advertisement for Rothmans. She found one, and it read "KING SIZE." Mother was happy.
Then it was the third daughter's wedding. Mother was anxious because this time it took four weeks for a message to arrive. When it did the message was simply "British Airways."
Mother was concerned. She frantically more...

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Moe and Lenny are strolling home from shul one Saturday morning. Suddenly a cab speeds past, and their friend, Irving, is running frantically behind it, flailing his arms wildly.
"Well," said Lenny, "I never imagined our good friend Irving was a Sabbath violator! Look at him running for that taxi."
"Wait a minute," Moe replied. "Didn't you read that book I lent you, 'The Other Side of the Story', about the command to judge other people favorably? I'll bet we can think of hundreds of excuses for Irving's behavior."
"Yeah, like what?"
"Maybe he's sick and needs to go to the hospital."
"Come on! He was running 60 miles an hour after that cab - he's healthier than Arnold Schwartzenweis."
"Well, maybe his wife's having a baby."
"She had one last week."
"Well, maybe he needs to visit her in the hospital."
"She's home."
"Well, maybe he's more...

Sabbath Violator.
Morris and Lenny are strolling home from shul one Saturday morning. Suddenly a cab speeds past, and their friend, Irving, is running frantically behind it, flailing his arms wildly.
"Well," said Lenny, "I never imagined our good friend Irving was a Sabbath violator! Look at him running for that taxi."
"Wait a minute," Morris replied. "Didn`t you read that book I lent you, `The Other Side of the Story`, about the command to judge other people favourably? I`ll bet we can think of hundreds of excuses for Irving`s behaviour."
"Yeah, like what?"
"Maybe he`s sick and needs to go to the hospital."
"Come on! He was running 60 miles an hour after that cab - he`s healthier than Arnold Schwartzeneger."
"Well, maybe his wife`s having a baby."
"She had one last week."
"Well, maybe he needs to visit her in the hospital."
"She`s more...

Five people are on a plane, four guys and one girl. Suddenly the engine stalls and they crash. Miraculously all five of them survive the crash but are stranded on a small deserted island. Since these four guys will need to have their natural urges satisfied, they decided to make up a schedule. Each guy would get a week to dick the woman as much as possible, the next week another guy and so on. This arrangement works out great for years, satisfying both the guys and the nymphomaniac woman until she suddenly dies. The first month went by and it was really awful; second month was really bad; third month was almost unbearable; fourth month rolls around and the guys couldn't handle it anymore so they buried her.

A man was looking for a new caddy one day when his friend said " I know a great caddy - he is 90 years old but he has eyes like a hawk"
"OK then " said the man "tell him I'm playing again in a week. "
The week passed and they started to play. The golfer hit a perfect drive and he said to the caddy "did you see where it went"
The caddy then said "yes"
"OK then where is it?"
The caddy replied "I forgot."

Three nuns on a train had been getting to know one another and decided to tell each other what their greatest sins were. The first nun says, "My greatest sin is sex. Every year I go out for a week and work as a prostitute. Of course, I put all the money I earn into the poor box."
The second nun says, "My greatest sin is drinking. Every year I take the money from the poor box and go out drinking for a solid week." The third just sits there quietly.
So the first nun says to her, "Come on, we've told you our worst sins. Now you have to tell us yours."
The third nun says, "My greatest sin is that I gossip, and I can't wait to get off this train."