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Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
1. From a southwest airlines employee: "there may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this airplane."
2. Pilot: "folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
3. After landing: "thank you for flying delta business express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "whoa, big fella. Whoa!"
5. After a more...

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..." Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern." And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride." As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!" After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight more...

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
1. From a Southwest Airlines employee... "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
2. Pilot-"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land...it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.
4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
5. After a more...

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:1. From a Southwest Airlines employee... "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."2. Pilot-"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land...it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"5. After a particularly rough landing during more...

Bob is throwing a party. He decides that, to break the ice at his party, he`ll ask his guests what their I. Q. is--hopefully this will strike up an appropriate conversation from there.
The day of Bob`s party rolls around, and when the first guest knocks on the door, Bob asks the person what her I. Q. is.
"200, 000" replies the first guest.
"Well, that`s great," says Bob, let`s talk about ethereal astro physics.
Bob and this first guest talk about the aforementioned subject for a while.
Later in the party, someone else is at the door. "Hi my name is Bob; welcome to my party, what`s your I. Q.?"
The new guest responds with "250".
"Great," says Bob. "Lets talk about advanced math. Bob and his new guest talk about calculus and statistics for awhile.
Much later in the party, after many more guests had arrived and been spoken to by Bob, yet another guest arrives at the door. "Hi, my name`s more...

Imelda dies and goes to heaven. The heavenly court is gathered to welcome all the newcomers to heaven. God the Father is there seated on his throne in all his splendor.

The Second Person of the Trinity is there also, and the Holy Spirit, the Virgin Mary, and all the saints. As Imelda enters, everyone stands up except God the Father, who does not get up from his throne.

Jesus, the second Person of the Trinity turns to him, and says, "Heavenly Father, what's the matter? Why don't you stand up to welcome Imelda Marcos?

God the Father replies: "I am afraid to lose my seat. If I stand up she will take my throne."

A day off is always more welcome when it's unexpected.