Wet Jokes / Recent Jokes

How To Shower Like A Man: 1 - Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. 2 - Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo" sound. 3 - Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch your "privates" and smell your fingers for one last whiff. 4 - Get in the shower. 5 - Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one). 6 - Wash your face. 7 - Wash your armpits. 8 - Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower. 9 - Wash your privates and surrounding area. 10 - Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar. 11 - Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner). 12 - Make a shampoo Mohawk. 13 - Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror. 14 - Pee (in the shower). 15 - Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the more...

Seems this man was stranded on an island for 11 years... well one day he was sitting on the beach when this very lovely lady came swimming up, she had on a wet suit that was gripping her body.... she looked at the man, and asked how long he had been here.... when he said 11 years, she asked if he had smoked any.... he said no.... she then opened a pocket and pulled out a cigarette and lit it and gave it to him..... she then asked when was the last time he had a drink..... he said 11 years.... so she pulled a flask out of another pocket and gave him a drink..... the young lady then got a really sexy look on her face and asked when was the last time the had played around.... the fellow grinned and said 11 years.... at the point the young lady started to unzip her wet suit. ...... the man got so excited he responded with "OH MY GOD YOU MEAN YOU HAVE A SET OF GOLF CLUBS IN THERE!!!!!!!!"

When can you dive in a swimming pool and not get your hair wet?
When your bald!

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
Take off clothing and place in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
Look at your womanly physique in mirror and stick out gut so you can complain and whine even more about getting fat.
Get in shower.
Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Condition hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil.
Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as more...

Guess the following movie quotes. All movies were released between the years 1980 and 1989. Comedies, dramas, action, etc. Some are quite simple, and others are more difficult.

There are 37 items, followed by the answers at the bottom, so you may wish to save reading this for a less hectic portion of your day.

1) Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

2) We're on a mission from God.

3) People on' ludes should not drive.

4) This house is clean.

5) Shall we play a game?

6) Terrific!! I've got a trig mid-term tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.

7) Back off man, I'm a scientist.

8) That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else.

9) I know a little German. He's sitting over there.

10) Can I borrow your towel, my car just hit a water buffalo.

11) Excuse me, Dick, I mean Rich, will milk be more...

Online computer users often engage in cyber sex. However, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again, maybe he does... Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like? Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like? Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner... it smells funny. Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me? Wellhung: OKSweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge. Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to more...

Why were the ghosts wet and tired? They had just dread-ged the lake.