Whatever Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Priest, A Rabbi, and a Minister are discussing how they give
charity to god. The minister sais " I put a box in the middle
of the room and throw all my money into the air, whatever
lands in the box I give to god, whatever lands outside I keep."
The priest sais "I do the same thing except I draw a circle in
the middle of the room and whatever lands outside I give to god.
The Rabbi then sais "you should all be ashamed of yourself, I
throw all the money I have into the air and let god take whatever
he wants.
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One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.
The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit." The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on more...
"We're too late! It's already been here."
"Mulder, I hope you know what you're doing."
"Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted, transformed into a shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, with care."
"You really think someone's been here?"
"Someone or some THING."
"Mulder, over here - it's a fruitcake."
"Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal."
"It's O. K. There's a note attached:' Gonna find out who's naughty and nice.'"
"It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list."
"Who? What are you talking about?"
"Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could travel at great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants. Once each year, near the winter solstice, this creature is said to descend from the heavens to reward its followers and punish more...
A man finds a lamp, rubs it, and sure enough a genie appears. The genie tells the man he may have 2 wishes. He will get whatever 2 things he wishes, BUT whatever he gets, his MIL will get double.
The man thinks for a while & then proclaims "1. I'd like a million dollars. 2. Beat me half to death".
A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning. He said "Today, church members, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind."
The pastor shouted out, "Cross."
Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "The Old Rugged Cross."
The Pastor hollered out "Grace."
The congregation began to sing, "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound..."
The Pastor said, "Power."
The congregation sang, "There is Power in the Blood."
The Pastor said, "Sex."
The congregation fell in total silence; everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything. Then, way in the back of the church, a little old grandmother stood up and began to sing,
... "Precious Memories".
A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning. He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind."
The pastor shouted out, "Cross."
Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "The Old Rugged Cross."
The pastor hollered out "Grace". The congregation began to sing "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound."
The pastor said "Power". The congregation sang "There is Power in the Blood."
The Pastor said "Sex." The congregation fell into total silence.
Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything.
Then all of a sudden from way in the back of the church a little 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing... "Precious Memories."