Whatever Jokes / Recent Jokes
Whatever misfortune may be your lot,
it could only be worse in Milwaukee.
-National Lampoon's Deteriorota
God created the donkey and told him: you will work tireless from sun up to sun down, carrying heavy bags on your back, you'll eat grass, you will not have intelligence and you will live 50 years. You will be a DONKEY!
The donkey answered: I'll be a donkey, but living 50 years is too much, give me only 20 years. And God gave him 20 years.
God created the dog and told him: You will look after the man's house, you will be his best friend, you will eat whatever they give you and you will live 25 years. You will be a DOG!
The dog answered: God, living 25 years is too much, give only 10. God gave him 10 years.
God created the monkey and told him: You will jump from branch to branch, you will do silly things, you will be amusing and you will live 20 years.
The monkey answered: God, living 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years. And God agreed.
Finally, God created man, and told him: You will be Man, the only rational more...
Rules that guys wished girls knew..........
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and
monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like
every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough more...
One Day there were 3 women golfing when 1 of the womens balls flew into the woods.
The woman went to get it but when she did she saw a frog who was trapped.
The Frog said "
Release me and i will grant you 3 wishes."
So the lady released the frog and the frog said"
thankyou, but about the wish thing i forgot to tell you that whatever you wish for your husband will get 10 times better or more.
The lady said"
ok then, well my first wish is that ill be the most beautiful lady in the world."
The frog said"
well, that means your husband will be even better looking than you and women will flock him!"
the lady replied that it was fine.
So poof, she was the most beautiful lady in the world!
"
My second wish is that i want to be the most richest woman in the world."
She was aware that her husband will be even more rich than her.
But she said"
It wont matter because whatever belongs more...
One day dad sent his 5 year old sun to the store for a cocker spaniel, butter and a bucket. So he goes to the pet store and says I need a cockitspanket, a what a cockitspankit, oh you must mean a cocker spaniel, yea yea sure whatever. So he goes to the store and says i need some butt, what, some but.Oh you must mean some butter.Yea yea sure whatever.So he goes to the hardware store and says I need a fucket, a what, a fucket, oh.You must mean a bucket.Yea yea sure whatever.So while hes walking outside his cocker spaniel runs away and the boy runs into this hobo and says hold my but and fucket while I get my cockitspankit.
Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?
Kindergarten Teacher: To get to the other side.
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Moses: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Richard M. Nixon: I just want to make one thing perfectly clear. The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, more...