Whiskey Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.
After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says “I want you to see this. ” She puts a worm in the water it, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, “what do you have to say about this experiment? ”
He responds by saying: “If I drink whiskey, I won’t get worms! ”

The Beer Prayer^
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hollowed be thy drink.
I will be drunk,
At home as in the travern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangerovers.
For thine is the beer. he more...

A bartender was washing glasses one afternoon when an elderly Irishman came in. With great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, and asked for a sip of Irish whiskey. The Irishman looked down the bar and said, "Is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nodded, so the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey, too.
The next patron to come in was an ailing Italian with a hunched back, who moved very slowly. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and asked if that was Jesus sitting at the end of the bar. The bartender nodded, so the Italian said to give Him a glass of Chianti, too.
The third patron to enter the bar was a redneck, who swaggered into the bar and hollered, "Barkeep, set me up a cold one! Hey, is that God's Boy down there?" The barkeep nodded, so the redneck told him to give Jesus a cold one, too.
As Jesus got up to leave, he more...

A man walks into a bar and order twelve shots of whiskey. The bartender lines up the shots and the man downs the, one after the other until he has finished all twelve.
"Well pal, what are you celebrating?" Asks the bartender
"My first blowjob...," says the man.
"Well, in that case, let me buy you another."
"Nah, if twelve shots of whiskey couldn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."

A guy walks into a bar and he orders a whiskey. He sits down and just before he takes a sip of his whiskey a guy runs in and says, Bill! Your house burnt down! So he runs outside but then he thinks, I don't have a house. So he goes back into the bar and takes a sip of his whiskey. Another guy runs in and says, Bill! Your dad died! And so he runs out of the bar, gets on his horse and rides a little ways but then thinks, I don't have a dad. So he goes back into the bar and drinks almost all of his whiskey when another guy runs in and says, Bill! You won the lottery! So he runs out, gets on his horse and rides all the way to the bank but then thinks, My name's not Bill.

There were two gay men, and one of them died from AIDS. His last wish was to be creamated and have his ashes spread in the park where he and his lover met. So after he was creamated, his lover took the urn of ashes to the park, but he couldn't spread them. He couldn't bear to part with the ashes of his lover. Then he noticed a bum sleeping on the park bench, so he explained the situation to him and asked him if he would spread the ashes.
The bum said, "For a fifth of whiskey, not only will I spread his ashes, but I'll throw in a little sermon as well." So the gay man agreed and bought the whiskey. The bum took the ashes, spread them in the wind and said, "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if he'd stuck to pussy, he'd still be with us."

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else... I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.

I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank.

I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank.

I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass.

I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle.

Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the more...

The following was contributed by Emil:A man walks into a pub, sits down at the bar, and says to the barman,"cor! I've just had my first blow-job and it was great! - I'll have alarge whiskey please, barman." The man takes his whiskey and downs it. "Same again?" asks the barman. "Okay" says the man and downs the second. He then orders a third and a forth and downs them both.In fact in totalhe downs 27 whiskeys. "Do you want another?" asks the barman. "No I don't think so", says the man, "If 27 whiskeys won't take away the tasteI don't think that another one will!"