Whiskey Jokes / Recent Jokes

Drunken Billy was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey. His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client.
"Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant. Can you sit there in the jury and honestly believe that if my client had a quart of whiskey he would sell it?"
He was acquitted.

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the
stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks, "And get me a whiskey you cow!"
The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whiskey for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this
omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "and get me another whiskey you
dumb".
Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whiskey but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to
such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it
now you stupid."
The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by
two burly stewards.
Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't fly you're a brave stupid
dumb cow!"

A redneck was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey. His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client. "Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant. Can you sit there in the jury box and honestly believe that if my client had ANY whiskey he would sell it?"

A redneck was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey. His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client.
"Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant. Can you sit there in the jury box and honestly believe that if my client had ANY whiskey he would sell it?"

Q: What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?
A: They both come in tots.

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career, so they decided to do a small test.
They took a ten-dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table... then they hid, pretending they were not at home.
The father's plan was: "If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest, but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."
So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. The son saw the note they had left.
Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.
After that, he took the bible, flicked through it, and took it.
Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality. more...

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey. She gets him to the table, brings his bait box. And says, "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around. She then puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, thinking she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?" He responds saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't have worms!"