Wife Jokes / Recent Jokes

The morning after an all-night honeymoon extravaganza in bed, the newlywed wife snuggles up to her hubby and asks, "Sweetheart, how many others were there before me?
"After a few minutes of silence, the wife says, "Well, I'm waiting."
And the guy takes a deep breath and says, "Well, I'm still counting."

A husband and his wife were riding along together in a car. They had been quarreling and hadn't spoken for a long time. Finally, they passed a mule in a pasture. The man pointed to the mule and asked his wife, "A relative of yours?"
Without a moments hesitation, she responded, "Yes, by marriage."

A man and his wife go to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that has the bulls. They come to the first bull and his sign states: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."
They then proceed to the next bull and his sign states: "This bull mated 68 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This bull mated 68 times last year. That works out to over 5 times a month. You could learn from this one, too."
Finally, they proceed to the last bull and his sign states: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and she says, "WOW! This one mated 365 times last year. That's ONCE A DAY. Boy, you could really learn from this one."
The man turns to his wife and calmly says, "Why don't you go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow."

A man phoned his wife from the office, "Honey, I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime, but I have to leave right away. Pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home soon to pick them up."
He rushed home to pick up his things, hugged his wife, apologized for giving her such short notice and hurried off.
When he returned a week later, his wife asked, "Well, dear, did you have a good fishing trip?"
"I sure did," he replied. "The fishing was great, but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
"No, dear, I didn't," the wife replied with a sly smile. "I put them in your tackle box!"

A man & wife entered a dentist's office. The Wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."
You're a brave woman said the dentist. Now, Show me which tooth it is.
The wife turns to her husband and says "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."

2 guys are sitting at a bar after a hard days work and start talking about their wives.
1st guy: "You know what, my wife is an angel."
2nd guy: "Gee, you sure are lucky, my wife is still alive!"

A man's wife is his better half, but his mistress is his better hole.