Wild Jokes / Recent Jokes

Is each here? Does each have his opposite?
I am here, but my opposite is you.
Huh?
Don't let him bug ya'. We're here.
My opposite is not here.
Is your opposite "Lies"?
My opposite is "Void." He couldn't make it.
>snicker< Figures!
Agh! How are we going to seat five! This table is made for six!
Just take out his chair and move over. Sheesh!
I have the cards.
I've got the chips.
I have the beer.
I have the cards!
Shut up.
...
Whose deal is it?
Do ya' gotta ask that EVERY time?
It is Good's deal.
OK, five card draw...uh, everything is wild.
How can anyone win if everything is wild?
No ONE can win, but we all can call ourselves winners if...
I like this game.
This is pointless.
It is time to deal.
Here we go! Your bet, Truth.
Five.
Five and raise you five.
Don't you morons get it? It doesn't matter how much you bet!
I like ten more...

A few minutes after a crowded airliner takes off, a five-year-old boy begins to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother tries to do to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly priest slowly walks forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the priest leans down and whispers something into the young boy's ear.
Without hesitation, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.
As the priest begins to make his way back to his seat, one of the flight attendants touches his sleeve. "Pardon me, Father," she says quietly, "but may I ask what magic words you used on that little boy?"
Smiling serenely, the priest gently says, "I told him that if he didn't knock it off, I'd kick his butt to the more...

The Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony, beaming at the thousands of people in the courtyard below. The Queen said to the Pope out of the side of her mouth,' I bet you a tenner that I can make every English person in the crowd go wild with just a wave of my hand.' The Pope replied,' No way! You can't do that.' The Queen said,' Watch this!' So, the Queen waved her hand and every English person in the crowd went crazy, waving their little plastic Union Jacks on sticks and cheering like mad. The Pope was standing there thinking,' Oh no, what am I going to do? I never thought she'd be able to do it.' He thought to himself for a minute, and then turned to her and said,' I bet you I can make every Irish person in the crowd go wild. Not just now, but for the rest of the week, with just one nod of my head.' The Queen replied,' No way, it can't be done.' So, the Pope head-butted her.

"Girls Gone Wild" creator and C E O, Joe Francis pleads guilty in Santa Monica court to filming under age girls for use in his videos. The court fined Mr. Francis five hundred thousand dollars...plus shipping and handliing.

Maverick was in the South of France, and could not understand why Biff had attracted all the girls at the beach, while he pulled nothing.

So he asked Biff, "Why do you get all the girls and I get nothing?"

Biff said, "Take a potato and tuck it in your swimming trunks. It drives the women wild!"

So, Mav stuffed a potato in his suit and paraded up and down the beach. Many hours later, he still had no woman. Mav went to see Biff again and said, "I've tried it and it doesn't work!"

Biff looked at the Maverick and said, "Have you tried putting the potato in the front?"

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. "Wow, this is great," he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight: lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.
Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"
"Yes. Come and join us," they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked. "Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them." This he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were more...

This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come indo my humble shop." So the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex like a great desert camel." Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was. The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" The Pakistani man replied, "Just try dem on, Saiheeb." Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many more...