William Jokes / Recent Jokes

/*
TOP SECRET Microsoft(c) Code
Project: Chicago(tm)
Projected release-date: Spring 1996
*/
#include "stdio.h"
#include "dos.h"
#include "conio.h"
#include "win31.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "billrulz.h"
/*
Reference:
Internal memo: #99281-95
from: William H. Gates III
to: Executive managers Chicago(tm)-project
William H. Gates III wrote:
"I have serious doubts about the 'EASY'
installation-definition.
It might prevent customers to think that they actually
bought something _good_. Therefore I want the
installation-definition to be 'HARD'.
Carry on,
Bill
"
*/
#define INSTALL = HARD
void main()
{
while(! CRASHED)
{ display_copyright_message();
display_bill_rules_message();
do_nothing_loop();
if(first_time_installation)
{ more...

Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these lines to practice:"Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think I'll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare." Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every time. The night of the play it was his turn to speak. This is what he said:"Hark! A pigeon shit! There lies a lady with soap in her hole. I think I'll kiss her snatch and run into the forest. By William Snakeshit... Horseshit... Oh, shit! I didn't want to be in this damn play anyway!"

And in October, William B. Singleton, 24, just released from jail in
Belton, Mo., on a larceny charge, allegedly broke into a vending machine
in the lobby of the police station and stole a 60-cent Strawberry
Twisteroo while he waited for his ride to arrive.

The phone rang as I was setting down to my anticipated
evening meal, and as I answered it I was greeted with " is
this William Wagenhoss" not sounding anything like my name, so I said who is calling?
The telemarketer said he was with The Rubber band Powered Freezer company or something like that and then I asked him if he knew William personally and why was he calling this number. I then said off to the side, "get really good pictures of the body and all the blood" then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be
receiving a summons to appear in the local courthouse to
testify in this murder case.
I then questioned the caller at great length as to his
name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this more...

William: May I have some money for the man crying outside? Mum: What crying man? William: The one that's crying,' Ice cream! Ice Cream! '

"I hear you`ve got a new baby sister," said Jonathan to his friend William.
"Yeah."
"Is she fun to play with?"
"Nah."
"Well, why don`t you change her?"
"We can`t," explained William, "we`ve had her for a week already."

The Charade

The world's greatest charade player brags that he can guess any charade. A TV producer decides to use the charade player in a TV special. He issues a challenge offering the charade player a million dollars to guess a very hard charade on television. The Charade player agrees.

Comes the big night, all the world is watching. The charade player is sitting on stage in front of a curtain. Music blares and the curtain opens to reveal seven nude young women.

The second and fourth ladies are holding their breasts, while the other five have their backs to him and are baring their behinds.

The charade player barely glances over them and says,' 'The William Tell Overture by Rossini.''

The flabbergasted producer says in awe,' 'You've done it!. That's the right answer. You are indeed the greatest charade player!'' and hands him a check for a million bucks.

Walking out, a reporter stops the charade player and ask him how more...