Wine Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two men get into a terrible car accident. Both cars are totaled, but amazingly, neither man is hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, one man says to the other "There's nothing left of our cars, but at least we weren't injured. This must be a sign from God that we were meant to meet, be friends, and live together in peace the rest of our lives."

The other man replies, "I totally agree with you. This must be a sign from God."

"And look at this," continues the first man, "It's another miracle. My car was completely destroyed but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink the wine to celebrate our good fortune!"

He hands the bottle to the other man, who promptly takes a few big gulps and hands the bottle back. The man takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on.

The other man asks, "Aren't you going to have a drink?"

"No, I think I'll more...

Now that wine making is becoming a popular hobby, I offer my secret recipe for "Post Office Red".
You simply mail yourself ten pounds of grapes in a container marked "Fragile".

Q: Whats a blondes favourite wine? A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"

There was a rich man who was deliberately hard on his farmhand. He gave him a bottle and said, "Buy me a bottle of wine." The farmhand asked, "How can I buy you wine with no money at all?" The rich man said, "Anyone can buy wine with money. It takes real skill to buy wine without money." After a while the farmhand returned with the empty bottle. He handed the bottle to the rich man and said, "Enjoy the wine, please." Staring at the empty bottle, the rich man asked, "There is no wine, how can I enjoy this?" The farmhand said, "Anyone can enjoy wine if there is some. It takes real skill to enjoy wine When there is none." Choking, the rich man was unable to utter a word.

I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age.

While he was rooting around in the basement, a man found a magic lamp. When he rubbed it, a genie emerged in a huge cloud of pink smoke.
"I am the all-powerful genie. I shall grant you one wish." The man thought about this, and decided that if there was one thing he couldn't get enough of, it was wine.
"I wish I could pee wine. That's my wish."
"Granted." And the genie disappeared. Later that day, the man's wife came home to find her husband naked, holding a glass.
"Why only one glass?" asked her wife.
"You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."

A man went to the wine seller's at midnight to buy wine. The wine seller, hearing several knocks at the door, said without opening it: "Just throw in your coppers through the crack in the door." "But," inquired the man, "how are you going to get the wine out?" "Through the crack," was the reply. At that the man laughed. "I'm not joking," said the wine seller," you see, my wine here is quite thin. "