Winter Jokes / Recent Jokes
Dog tags ring, are you listenin'?
In the lane, snow is glistenin'.
It's yellow, NOT white - I've been there tonight,
Marking up my winter wonderland.
Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
It's a sign for wand'ring vagrants;
"Avoid where I pee, it's MY pro-per-ty!
Marked up as my winter wonderland."
In the meadow dad will build a snowman,
following the classical design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go Man,
So all the world will know it's
mine-mine-mine!
Straight from me to the fencepost,
flows my natural incense boast;
"Stay off of my TURF, this small piece of earth,
I mark it as my winter wonderland.
Top 15 Good Things About a Cold Winter...
The melodious clanging Anna Nicole Smith's breasts make when she walks.
BATF calls off its siege of your heavily fortified compound when agents run out of hot cocoa.
Much easier to locate nipples during foreplay.
Finally, a chance to say, "Yeah, but it's a dry cold."
Natural refrigeration keeps vagrants crisp and fresh until Spring.
You can chill your malt liquor on the window ledge at work.
Joy of frostbite makes it easier to rid your self of those troublesome extremities.
No news clips of the President jogging for at least 8 more weeks.
Watching O.J. enviously eye everyone else's toasty-warm glove-clad hands.
Flashers stick to describing themselves.
Spouse temporarily stops using back seat of car for elicit affairs.
When it's 10 below, nobody gives a rat's ass whether Internet Explorer is better than Netscape.
With multiple layers, people with buns of steel look exactly like more...
Top 15 Good Things About a Cold Winter...The melodious clanging Anna Nicole Smith's breasts make when she walks.BATF calls off its siege of your heavily fortified compound when agents run out of hot cocoa.Much easier to locate nipples during foreplay.Finally, a chance to say, "Yeah, but it's a dry cold."Natural refrigeration keeps vagrants crisp and fresh until Spring.You can chill your malt liquor on the window ledge at work.Joy of frostbite makes it easier to rid your self of those troublesome extremities.No news clips of the President jogging for at least 8 more weeks.Watching O.J. enviously eye everyone else's toasty-warm glove-clad hands.Flashers stick to describing themselves.Spouse temporarily stops using back seat of car for elicit affairs.When it's 10 below, nobody gives a rat's ass whether Internet Explorer is better than Netscape.With multiple layers, people with buns of steel look exactly like people with buns of cinnamon.The shivering just makes your Katherine more...
CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate are cold and starving. CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor more...
A man had a flat tire on a very cold winter day. He told his girlfriend he'd have it fixed in no time. However as it was very cold his hands kept getting cold. He askedhis girl if he could put his hands between her knees to warm them. She said that would be allright. After getting his hands warm hewent back to fixing the tire but it was so cold he could notcontinue so he again asked his girl if he could warm his hands. She again said it would be allright. When his hands were warm hewent back to fixing the tire once more. But before he been outthere five minutes or so he again asked her if he could warm hishands. His girl asked "Honey don't your ears ever get cold?"
An official staff visit by LTG Claus is expected at this post on 25 Dec. The following directives govern activities of all Army personnel during the visit.
Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes warrant officers and mice. Soldiers may obtain special stirring permits for necessary administrative action through the Battalion S-1. Officer stirring permits must be obtained through the Deputy, Post Plans and Policy Office.
All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap NLT 2200 hours, 24 December. Uniform for the nap will be; Pajamas, Cotton, Light Weight, General Purpose, OG, and Cap, BDU woodland pattern, with ear flaps in the extended position. Equipment will be drawn from the supply room prior to 1900 hours. While at supply, all personnel will review their personal hand receipts and sign a Cash Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131, for all missing items. Remember, this is the "season of giving."
Personnel will utilize standard more...
The Indians asked their Chief in autumn if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?"The man on the phone responded, "This winter is going to be quite cold indeed."So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?""Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: "Are you absolutely sure that the
winter is going to be very more...