Stove Jokes

Last year authorities in Montana discovered that a hermit had been living in an old Forest Service cabin, and they were concerned about his well being. They decided to send up a team of experts from different fields to analyze his living arrangements, and to make sure that he was okay.First they decided on a Psychologist, to make sure that the man was mentally handling his isolation. Next, they decided on an Engineer, to make sure that the cabin is still structurally sound and safe. Finally, they decided on a Theological professor from the university, to make sure that the man's spiritual needs were being fulfilled.The team made it's way up the treacherous terrain in three days, but they were truly exhausted. Finally, on the evening of the third day, they spotted the cabin. From the outside, it appeared all was well.The area around the cabin was clean, the ground almost appearing as though it had been swept often. There was smoke coming from the stove pipe chimney, and the door was more...

1. Log on: Make the wood stove hotter
2. Log off: Don't add no more wood
3. Monitor: Keep an eye on that wood stove
4. Download: Getting the firewood off the truck
5. Floppy Disk: What you fet from trying to carry to
much firewood
6. Ram: The thing that splits the firewood
7. Hard Drive: Getting home in the winter
8. Prompt: "Throw another log on the fire"
9. Window: What to shut when it's cold outside
10. Screen: What to shut in fly season
11. Byte: What flies do
12. Bit: What the flies did
13. Mega Byte: What BIG flies do
14. Chip: Munchies when monitoring
15. Micro Chip: What's left after you eat the chips
16. Modem: What you did to the hay fields
17. Dot Matrix: Old Dan Matrixs' wife
18. Lap top: Where kitty sleeps
19. Software: The dumb plastic knives and forks they
give you at the Big R
20. Hardware: Real stainless steel cutlery
21. Mouse: What eats the grain in the barn
22. more...

Somewhere around 60 years ago, according to Zeddie Gillenwater of Sumerco, a woman sold her tobacco crop and, with a stack of bills in her hand, headed off to the store to buy a good, wood-burning stove."We have several different makes and sizes," the clerk said. "About what BTU did you have in mind?""B-T-U?""Yes, ma'am. That's a unit of measure, a way to measure heat.""Well, I don't know nothin' about B-T-U. All I want is a stove big enough to heat a B-U-T as big as a T-U-B."

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says more...

LOG ON: Making a wood stove hotter.
LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the wood stove.
DOWNLOAD: Gettin’ the farwood off the truck
MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerful gettin’ the farwood
FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood
RAM: That thing tha splits the farwood
HARD DRIVE: Gettin’ home in the winter time
PROMPT: What the mail ain’t in the winter time
WINDOWS: What to shut when it’s cold outside
SCREEN: What to shut when it’s black fly season
BYTE: What them dang flies do
CHIP: Munchies fer the TV
MICRO CHIP: What’s in the bottom of the munchie bag
MODEM: Whatcha did to the hay fields
DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix’s wife
LAP TOP: Where the kitty sleeps
KEYBOARD: Where ya hang the dang truck keys
SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knives
MOUSE: What eats the grain in the barn
MOUSE PAD: That’s hippie talk fer the mouse more...