Matrix Jokes

Log on: making a wood stove hotter
Log off: don't add no more wood
Monitor: keeping an eye on the wood stove
Download: gettin the farwood off the truck
Mega Hertz: when yer not keerful getting the farwood
Floppy disc: whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood
Ram: that thar thing what splits the farwood
Hard drive: gettin home in the winter time
Prompt: whut the mail ain't in the winter time
Windows: what to shut when it's cold outside
Screen: what to shut when it's blak fly season
Byte: what dem flys do
Chip: munchies fer the TV
Micro Chip: whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag
Modem: whacha did to the hay fields
Dot Matrix: Old Dan Matrix's wife
Lap Top: whar the kitty sleeps
Keyboard: whar ya hang the keys
Software: them plastic forks and knifes
Mouse: what eats the grain in the barn
Mouse Pad: that hippie talk for the rat hole
Main frame: holds up the barn more...

Gets his orders from another planet. Gets hypnotized on the de-spun section. Gets parity errors under load. Gives a lot of bull for somebody what ain't got no cattle. Goalie for the dart team. God might still use him for miracle practice. God's favorite target for lightning strikes. Goes with the flow... He's a bed wetter. Good at quantum tunneling but not much else. Got a life, but wasn't sure what to do with it. Got his brains as a stocking stuffer. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching. Guillotining him would make only an aesthetic difference. Gyros are loose. Habits explainable if he was raised by wolves. Had a head crash. Half a bubble off plumb. - attributed to Mark Twain Happiness is seeing her picture on a milk carton. Hard to distinguish from the tail end of a horse. Hard to tell if he has an ace up his sleeve or if the ace is missing from his deck altogether. Has a bus fault problem. Has a few wait states. Has a full six-pack but lacks the plastic thing more...

For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.
The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. They didn't even come close.
Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one; one bad-ass, that is.
TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.
After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards.
"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main more...

Log on - Adding a log to your wood stoveLog off - Don't add a log to your wood stoveMonitor - Keep an eye on the wood stoveMegahertz - When a big log drops on your bare foot in the morningFloppy disk - What you get from piling too much wood into your wood stoveRam - The hydraulic machine that makes the woodsplitter workDrive - Getting home during most of the winter to your wood stoveHard drive - Trying to get home during a heavy snow stormPrompt - What you wish the mail was during the snow seasonEnter - Come on inWindows - What you must shut when the temperature hits 10 belowScreen - What is a must during black fly seasonChip - What you munch during a football gamesMicrochip - What's left in the bag when the normal chips are goneModem - What you did to your fields last JulyDot Matrix - Eino Matrix's wifeLaptop - Where the grandkids sitKeyboard - Where you're supposed to put the keys so the wife can find themSoftware - Plastic picnic utensilsMouse - What leaves those little turds in more...

Gets his orders from another planet. Gets hypnotized on the de-spun section. Gets parity errors under load. Gives a lot of bull for somebody what ain't got no cattle. Goalie for the dart team. God might still use him for miracle practice. God's favorite target for lightning strikes. Goes with the flow... He's a bed wetter. Good at quantum tunneling but not much else. Got a life, but wasn't sure what to do with it. Got his brains as a stocking stuffer. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching. Guillotining him would make only an aesthetic difference. Gyros are loose. Habits explainable if he was raised by wolves. Had a head crash. Half a bubble off plumb. -- attributed to Mark Twain Happiness is seeing her picture on a milk carton. Hard to distinguish from the tail end of a horse. Hard to tell if he has an ace up his sleeve or if the ace is missing from his deck altogether. Has a bus fault problem. Has a few wait states. Has a full six-pack but lacks the plastic thing more...