Server Jokes

by Peter Leppik

The following is a *true* story. It amused the hell out of me while it was happening. I hope it isn't one of those "had to be there" things.

On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday ca$h I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of
the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting mad at me.

Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go."

Server: "Is that it?"

Me: "Yep."

Server: "That'll be $1. 04, eat here?"

Me: "No, it's "TO-GO" [I hate effort duplication]."

At this point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and

Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right more...

1. Log on: Make the wood stove hotter
2. Log off: Don't add no more wood
3. Monitor: Keep an eye on that wood stove
4. Download: Getting the firewood off the truck
5. Floppy Disk: What you fet from trying to carry to
much firewood
6. Ram: The thing that splits the firewood
7. Hard Drive: Getting home in the winter
8. Prompt: "Throw another log on the fire"
9. Window: What to shut when it's cold outside
10. Screen: What to shut in fly season
11. Byte: What flies do
12. Bit: What the flies did
13. Mega Byte: What BIG flies do
14. Chip: Munchies when monitoring
15. Micro Chip: What's left after you eat the chips
16. Modem: What you did to the hay fields
17. Dot Matrix: Old Dan Matrixs' wife
18. Lap top: Where kitty sleeps
19. Software: The dumb plastic knives and forks they
give you at the Big R
20. Hardware: Real stainless steel cutlery
21. Mouse: What eats the grain in the barn
22. more...

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. I may be a little moody so be prepared.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office.

If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor's having my brain removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 18/4/07. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email.

Your credit card has been charged £5. 99 for the first 10 words and £1. 99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
(The beauty more...

Log on - Make the wood stove hotter
Log off - Don't add no more wood
Monitor - Keep an eye on that wood stove
Download - Getting the firewood off the truck
Floppy disk - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood
Ram - The thing that splits the firewood
Hard drive - Getting home in the winter
Prompt - What the mail ain't in the winter
Window - What to shut when it's cold outside
Screen - What to shut in black fly season
Byte - What the black flies do
Bit - What the black flies did
Mega Byte - What the BIG black flies do chip Munchies for TV
Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you eat the chips
Modem - What you did to the hay fields
Dot matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife
Lap top - Where the kitty sleeps
Software - The dumb plastic knives & forks they give you at McDonalds
Hardware - The real stainless steel cutlery.
Mouse - What eats grain in the barn
Main frame - What holds the barn up
Enter more...

Surprise Settlement Evenly Splits Microsoft; One Firm To Make Software, Other To Make Patches
Decision Keeps Redmond from Monopolizing Massive Microsoft Patch Industry
Redmond, Wash. (SatireWire.com) — In a surprise settlement today with nine U.S. states, Microsoft agreed to be split into two independent companies — one that will continue to make Microsoft operating systems, browsers, and server software, and another, potentially larger company that will make patches for Microsoft operating systems, browsers, and server software.
Critics immediately charged that the settlement — which overrides a previous agreement with the U.S. Department of Justice — does nothing to diminish Microsoft's standing as the world's most powerful software company. But industry analysts argued that providing patches for security holes in Microsoft programs is a major, untapped growth industry, and applauded the states for not allowing Redmond to control it.
"Just consider, more...