Wise Jokes / Recent Jokes

A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.

One day some intelligent men, who were going about the nation trying to find answers to some of the great questions of their time, came to Mulla Nasruddin's region and asked to see the wisest man in the place.

Mulla Nasruddin was brought forward, and a big crowd gathered to listen.

The first intelligent guy began by asking, "Where is the exact center of the world?"

"It is under my right heel," answered Mulla Nasruddin.

"How can you confirm that?" asked the first intelligent man.

"If you don't believe me," answered Mulla Nasruddin, "measure and see."

The first clever guy had nothing to respond to that, so the second wise guy asked his question. "How many stars are there in the sky?" he said.

"As many as there are hairs on my donkey," answered Mulla Nasruddin.

"What evidence have you got of that?" asked the second more...

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. And while no one knows what is in a hotdog, you can be pretty sure it isn't canine. English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, two meese? Is cheese the plural of choose? One mouse, 2 mice. One louse, 2 lice. One house, 2 hice? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Why do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck or car and more...

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what more...

* If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
* If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
* Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
* Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
* If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
* If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
* When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in. . . what happens to the other penny?
* Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
* Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
* When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
* Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
* Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
* Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite more...

In a small Southern town there was a nativity scene that indicated great skill and talent in its creation. One small feature bothered me though. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a particular passage. Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here,' The three wise men came from afar.'"

Moshe was eating in a Chinese restaurant and was chatting to his Chinese waiter.
Moshe commented upon what a wise people the Chinese were.
"Yes," replied the waiter, "we're wise because our culture is 4, 000 years old. But Jewish people are also very wise, are they not?"
Moshe replied, "Yes, we are. Our culture is 5, 000 years old."
The waiter was surprised to hear this. "That can't be true," he replied, "where did your people eat for a thousand years?"