Wise Jokes / Recent Jokes

Do you know what would have happened if it had been Three Wise Women
instead of Three Wise Men? They would have asked directions,
arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a
casserole, and, brought practical gifts!

Do you know what would have happened if it had been Three Wise Womeninstead of Three Wise Men? They would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made acasserole, and, brought practical gifts!

There is neither egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger There is neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren `t sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, Boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don `t fing, grocers don `t groce, and hammers don `t ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn `t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese, so, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn `t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet more...

Seven wise men, creative and fine, created a pussy to their own design.
First was a carpenter, strong and bold, with a chisel and hammer, he gave it a hole. Second was a butcher, quick with his wit, with a steak knife he gave it a slit. Third was a hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fox fur he lined it without. Fourth was a tailor, tall and thin, with a piece of red velvet he lined it within. Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, he threw in a fish and gave it a smell. Sixth was a preacher, his name was McGee, he blessed it and touched it and said it could pee. Seventh was a sailor, dirty little runt, he sucked it and fucked it and called it a CUNT!

Q: Did you know that the three wise men were firemen? A: It says they came from afir (a fire, a far).

In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great
skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered
me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable
to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.

At a "Quick Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the
counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me,
"You Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her
that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the
Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through
some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage.

Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here,' The three
wise man came from afar.'"

WHY? . ..... 1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? 3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? 4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? 5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? 6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? 7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing? 8. Why do' tug' boats push their barges? 9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there? 10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting? 11. Why is it call "after dark" when it really is "after light"? 12. Doesn't' expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected? 13. Why are a' wise man' and a' wise guy' opposites? 14. Why do' overlook and' oversee' mean opposite things? 15. Why is phonics not spelled the way it more...