Witnesses Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following is a true story, and this situation supposedly occurred in a real courtroom.At a trial, an attorney was putting witnesses through an exacting cross-examination, and was taking great delight into forcing witnesses to admit that they did not remember every single detail of an automobile accident. While the lawyer knew that no witness has a perfect memory, he had honed a skill in exploiting minor inconsistencies and lapses of memory in order to challenge the credibility of honest witnesses. After a series of scathing cross-examinations, he was looking forward to his examination of yet another witness."Did you actually see the accident?" he asked.The witness responded with a polite, "Yes, sir.""How far away were you when the accident happened?""I was Thirty-four feet, seven and three quarters inches away from the point of collision.""Thirty-four feet, seven and three quarter inches?" the lawyer asked, sarcastically, "Do more...

The following is a true story, and this situation supposedly occurred in a real courtroom.
At a trial, an attorney was putting witnesses through an exacting cross-examination, and was taking great delight into forcing witnesses to admit that they did not remember every single detail of an automobile accident. While the lawyer knew that no witness has a perfect memory, he had honed a skill in exploiting minor inconsistencies and lapses of memory in order to challenge the credibility of honest witnesses. After a series of scathing cross-examinations, he was looking forward to his examination of yet another witness.
“Did you actually see the accident? ” he asked.
The witness responded with a polite, “Yes, sir. ”
“How far away were you when the accident happened? ”
“I was Thirty-four feet, seven and three quarters inches away from the point of collision. ”
“Thirty-four feet, seven and three quarter inches? ” the lawyer asked, more...

Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are 22 questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:



1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"



2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"



3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"



4. "Were you alone or by yourself?"



5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"



6. "Did he kill you?"



7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"



8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"



9. more...

At a trial, an attorney was putting witnesses through an exacting cross-examination, and was taking great delight into forcing witnesses to admit that they did not remember every single detail of an automobile accident. While the lawyer knew that no witness has a perfect memory, he had honed a skill in exploiting minor inconsistencies and lapses of memory in order to challenge the credibility of honest witnesses. After a series of scathing cross-examinations, he was looking forward to his examination of yet another witness.
"Did you actually see the accident?" he asked.
The witness responded with a polite, "Yes, sir."
"How far away were you when the accident happened?"
"I was Thirty-four feet, seven and three quarters inches away from the point of collision."
"Thirty-four feet, seven and three quarter inches?" the lawyer asked, sarcastically, "Do you expect us to believe that your memory is so good, and more...

A MINISTER due to go on a foreign tour had a lot of cash lying with him. He thought it would be safest left with the Prime Minister and requested him to keep it for him till he returned. The Prime Minister agreed but insisted that the transaction be witnessed by two of his senior assistants. "Money matters can lead to misunderstanding," said the PM. "It is always wise to have two witnesses."
The Minister saw the wisdom of the advice. The cash was handed over to the PM in the presence of two of his senior advisers.
Some weeks later when the Minister returned home, he called on the PM and asked for the return of the money.
"What money?" asked the PM "I don't know what you are talking about?"
"The cash I left with you," pleaded the Minister. You even had two of your senior advisers as witnesses."
"Let's ask them," replied the PM. The senior advisers were sent for.
"Do you know anything more...