Wizard Jokes / Recent Jokes
A wizard joke
Why did the wizard wear a yellow robe to the Halloween party?
He was going as a banana!
A wizard joke
What do wizards do to get their kicks?
They drool over the pictures in “witch” magazine!
A wizard joke
What do you call a wizard who lies on the floor?
Matt!
A wizard joke
What do you call a wizard who has fallen into the sea on a barrel?
Bob!
A wizard joke
What must a wizard be to receive a state funeral?
Dead!
A wizard joke
What would happen if you threw lots of eggs at a wizard?
He would be egg-sterminated!
A wizard joke
What happened when the wizard turned a boy into a hare?
He’s still rabbiting on about it!
A wizard joke
What’s the first thing that a wizard does in the morning?
He wakes up!
A wizard joke
What do you call a wizard who’s black and blue all over?
Bruce!
A witch joke
Why do witches wear pointy black hats?
To keep their heads warm!
A wizard joke
What did the wizard say to his witch girlfriend?
Hello gore-juice!
A wizard joke
What do you get if you cross a river with an inflatable wizard?
To the other side!
A wizard joke
What do wizards stop for on the motorway?
Witchhikers!
A wizard joke
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a wizard?
Tyrannosaurus hex!
A witch joke
What is the difference between a witch and the letters M A K E S?
One make spells and the other spell makes!
A witch joke
What goes cackle, cackle, bonk?
A witch laughing her head off!
A witch joke
Why do witches go to the docks?
To see the bats being launched!
A wizard joke
Why do cats prefer wizards to witches?
Because the sorcerers often have milk in them!
A witch joke
What is an octopus?
An eight sided cat!
A wizard joke
Why did the wizard jump off the top of the Empire State Building?
He wanted to make a hit on Broadway!
A witch joke
Why did the witch feed her cat with pennies?
She wanted to put some money in the kitty!
Our three past and our current presidents found themselves following the famous Yellow Brick Road, on their way to meet The Wizard. They were all missing just a little something and figured The Wizard could help them.
They meet The Wizard and he asks each in turn what they need.
" Well", Jimmy Carter says, " I could use some courage."
" No problem," says The Wizard, and Carter gets his courage, no questions asked.
" What about you, Mr. Reagan?", The Wizard asks.
" If I only had a brain," Mr. Reagan replies, and voila, Mr. Reagan has his brain.
George Bush is next. "People tell me I could use a heart," he pleads, and The Wizard grants Mr. Bush his wish.
" Tell me, Mr. Clinton, what do you most want?", asks The Wizard. Mr. Clinton doesn't hesitate.
"Is Dorothy around?"
...and off they whirled to OZ. They finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard. "WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD OF OZ?" Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly:" I've come for some courage." "NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard. "WHO IS NEXT?" Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well, I think I need a brain." "DONE" says the Wizard. "WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?" Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart." "I'VE HEARD IT'S TRUE!" says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE." There is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" "Is Dorothy here?"
A Story to tell your children……..
Once upon a time, in the Valley of Silicon, the two-headed Wizard of Apples went for a walk. The two heads, both of which were named Steve, looked around, and spied a beautiful PARC.
“This is truly a beautiful PARC! ” Steve exclaimed.
“Yes, it is, ” agreed Steve. “It is very graphical. And do you see how happy the mice are? ” For indeed, the joyful rodents scampered about, running in and out of windows, around icons, and leaping over the garbage cans.
“Do you think we could make a PARC as beautiful as this? ” Steve asked.
“Nay, ” said Steve. “Not a PARC, but perhaps we can let this inspire us to build a woman. And we could call her… Gertrude. ”
And so they fashioned their woman, but instead of Gertrude, they called her Lisa. And she, too, was nice to mice. But alas, the User rejected Lisa, for it was said her price was too high.
“But this will never do, ” the User cried. “Do you more...
One afternoon, there was this good witch who was flying along, when all of a sudden, she heard this soft crying from down below. When she landed, she saw this yellow frog. Touched by his sadness, the witch asked why he was crying. "Sniff. None of the other frogs will let me join in all their frog games. Boo hoo." "Don't cry, little one.", replied the witch, and with a wave of her magic wand, the frog turned green. All happy now, the frog was checking himself over when he noticed that his penis was still yellow. He asked an embarrassed witch about this, and she told him that there were some things that she just couldn't do, but if he saw the wizard, he'd fix things up for him. So happily, the little green frog hippity-hopped along his merry way. Feeling quite pleased with herself, the witch once more took to the skies, and once again, she heard some crying, but this time of a thunderous sort. So down to the ground she flew only to discover a pink elephant. The witch more...