Wizard Jokes / Recent Jokes

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

The Rabbi rose with a red face..."Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K. K. K.

This is a horrible lie and one which a Jewish community cannot tolerate! I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and our Jewish community."

No one moved.

The Rabbi continued, "Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel relief. Now stand and confess your transgression!"

Again all was quiet. Slowly a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde with a body that would not stop rose in the third pew. Her head was bowed, and her voice quivered as she spoke.

"Rabbi, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Klu Klux Klan... I just told a couple of friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The last four U. S. Presidents are caught in a tornado in Kansas, and off they spin to the Land of OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.

"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly:
"I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage."

"No problem" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?"
Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well.., Well.., Well.., I need a brain."
"Done" says the Wizard.

"Who comes next before the Great Wizard?"
Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I
need a heart."

"I've heard it's true" says the Wizard. "Consider it done."

Then there is a great silence.
Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but more...

At the edge of the forest there was a somewhat mediocre wizard. He is there to help the animals of the forest with some of their daily problems. One day a toad hops in. The toad says "Oh wizard, please help me. I was born with a yellow penis." "I've told you animals, I can't help you with any big problems," responds the wizard. "You'll have to go see the Wizard of Oz." So the toad hops off on his merry little way. But in not too long an elephant enters the wizards pad." Oh wizard," the elephant begins, "please help me. I was born without a trunk." Now the wizard is infuriated. "Don't you stupid animals ever listen!!! Take your damn big problems to the wizard of Oz!"The elephant responds "But, wizard how do I get to the Wizard of Oz?" "Oh that's easy," says the wizard. "Just follow the yellow dicked toad!"

President Bush, Dan Quayle, Ross Perot, and Bill Clinton all traveled together to see the Wizard of Oz. Upon arrival, they were brought to see him.

First, President Bush went to see the Wizard and said, "Everyone says I have no compassion or feelings, I wish to have a Heart". So the Wizard said, "So be it".

Second was Dan Quayle. He told the Wizard, "People think I`m unintelligent and have no common sense whatsoever. I want a brain. The Wizard said, "So be it".

Third to ask the Wizard was Ross Perot. "People say I have no confidence, and I lack conviction. I wish to have some courage". The Wizard granted this wish as well.

And then Bill Clinton approached the Wizard. The Wizard looked at him and said, "Well, what do you want?" To which Clinton replied, "I`m here for Dorothy!"

The last four ex-U.S. Presidents were caught in a tornado, and off
they whirled to Oz. They finally made it to the Emerald City and came
before the Great Wizard.
"What brings you before the Great Wizard of Oz?"
Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly, "I've come for some courage."
"No problem!" said the Wizard. "Who is next?"
Ronald Reagan stepped forward, "Well... I... I think I need a brain."
"Done," said the Wizard. "Who comes next before the Great and Powerful
Oz?"
Up stepped George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I
need a heart."
"I've heard it's true!" said the Wizard. "Consider it done."
There was a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton was just standing
there, looking around, but didn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asked, "What do you want?"
"Is Dorothy here?"

The last four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado in Kansas, and off they spin to the Land of OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard."WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly:"I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage.""No problem" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?"Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well.., Well.., Well.., I need a brain.""Done" says the Wizard."Who comes next before the Great Wizard?"Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that Ineed a heart.""I've heard it's true" says the Wizard. "Consider it done."Then there is a great silence.Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY!?"And Willie more...