Wizard Jokes / Recent Jokes

Witch: Why have you stopped playing cards with my sister? Wizard: Well would you play with someone who cheats all the time, is a poor loser and keeps tearing up the cards? Witch: No I wouldn't. Wizard: No, well nor will she.

When he enters a room there is a burst of purple smoke
You say, "Do you think that lawn is gonna mow itself?" But then it does
Your child gets busted shoplifting a newt
Can turn lead into gold, but he can't remember to take out the trash - am I right, parents?
He wears shiny red satin robes - and you're just praying he's a wizard
Favorite discount electronics chain: The Wiz
Refers to Halloween as "amateur night"
He's only 12, but somehow he's dating Gwyneth Paltrow
His homework ate the dog
You catch him in the bathroom polishing his wand
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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Spotted on the back of a t-shirt worn by LAPD Bomb Squad: "If you see me running, try to keep up." Don't you think it's unnerving that doctors call what they do "Practice"?You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.A closed mouth gathers no feet.Did you ever notice that Evian bottled water is Naïve spelled backwards? Think about it...The grass may actually be greener on the other side of the fence, but it still has to be mowed!A Wizard worked in a modern factory. Everything was satisfactory except that certain miscreants, taking advantage of his good nature, would steal his parking spot. This continued until he put up the following effective sign: This Parking Space Belongs To The Wizard.. .. Violators Will Be Toad.

Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich, and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car
together in the Midwest, when suddenly a tornado comes along and
whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away.
When they come down and pull themselves from the vehicle, they realize
they're in the land of OZ. Naturally, they decide to go to see the
Wizard of OZ.
Says Quayle, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain." Says Gingrich,
"I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart." Clinton says, "Where's
Dorothy?"

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation "I now pronounce you man and wife".

Former Vice President Quayle, Speaker of the HouseGingrich, and President Clinton are traveling in acar together in Kansas. A tornado comes along andwhirls them up into the air and tosses them thousandsof yards away. They all fall into a daze. When they come to and extract themselves from thevehicle, they realize they're in the fabled Land of Oz. They decide to go see the famous Wizard of Oz. TheWizard is known for granting people their wishes. Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain." Gingrich responds, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart." Clinton speaks up, "Where's Dorothy?"

The Rabbi rose with a red face..."Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K.
This is a horrible lie and one which a Jewish community cannot tolerate! I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and our Jewish community."
No one moved.
The Rabbi continued, "Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel relief. Now stand and confess your transgression!"
Again all was quiet. Slowly a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde with a body that would not stop rose in the third pew. Her head was bowed, and her voice quivered as she spoke.
"Rabbi, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Klu Klux Klan... I just told a couple of friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."