Wonderful Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two businessmen were talking about good places to have lunch. One said, "Maxie's is a wonderful place for lunch. You go in for lunch and everyone says 'hello', immediately a delicious sandwich and a cold beer are set up on the bar for you. That's followed by several more cold beers and it's all 'on the house'. They have music and you get to dance a bit and then you go into a back room and have wonderful sex. When it's time for you to leave, the bartender gives you a twenty dollar bill and invites you to come back anytime."
The other man says, "You've got to be kidding. I find that really hard to believe. Do you go there often?"
"No," his friend replies, "actually I've never been there but my sister goes every noon."
I recently visited my Mom for Christmas, who is getting up there in years. Since the last time I saw her, she purchased an in-the-ear hearing aid.
She was telling me all about how wonderful it was, and how her hearing was back to normal for the first time in years, and how she could hear things she had been missing for quite awhile.
"That's wonderful" I said. "What kind is it?"
"Oh, about 12:30" she said.
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased -- what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was.Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that's your pa."
One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. Greeting him the Lord says, “You’ve lived a good life. If there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know. ”
The cat thinks for a minute and says “Well, all my life I lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor…” The Lord stops the cat and says “Say no more! ” Just then a wonderful fluffy pillow appears and the cat contentedly wanders off to find a good place to nap.
A few days later six mice killed in a tragic farming accident go to heaven. The Lord is there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer: “All of our lives we’ve been chased. We’ve had to run from cats, from tractors, even from that farmer’s wife with her broom. We’re tired of running…” “Say no more! ” The Lord replies. In a flash, eachmouse is fitted with a beautiful new pair of roller skates, and they skate happily off to explore the Heavenly more...
Lady to the doctor over the phone. “ Doctor, I beg of you, please prescribe me something immediately to reduce my weight. My husband has given me a wonderful birthday present, and I can’t get into it. “
Doctor: ” Just come over here tomorrow, and I shall give you a prescription. Then you will soon be able to wear your wonderful new dress. ”
Lady: “ Who said anything about a dress? I am talking of car. ”
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day, he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She`ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this," so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving, had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. By the time he arrived home, he felt more...
Why should Snow White be a wonderful judge?
She is the fairest in the land!