Wonderful Jokes / Recent Jokes

Laboratory Rabbit Freedom A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.' Wow, this is great,' he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.' Hey,' he called.' I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?' Yes. Come and join us,' they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good.' What else do you wild rabbits do?' he asked.' Well,' one of them said.' You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them.' This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he asked them again,' What else do more...

A man who had been in a mental institution for some years finally improved to the point where it was thought he might be released. The psychiatrist that ran the institution decided it was better to proceed with caution, and chose to interview him first.
"Tell me," said the doctor, "if we release you, as we are considering, what do you plan to do with your life?"
The inmate said, "It would be wonderful to get back to real life, and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you see, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped to put me here. If I am released, I shall limit myself to work in pure theory, where I believe the situation will be less difficult and stressful."
"Wonderful," said the psychiatrist.
"Or else," continued the patient, "I might teach. There is something to be said for dedicating your life to expanding the knowledge of more...

A few terms to help you get started on your merry way towards the ve-nak-u-lar...
"Damn- that s**t is DOPE!"
~~~ That is a wonderful concept/object/action.
"I can't FADE that!"
~~~ I am unable to hande this at this time.
"Shante ain't HAVIN' it!"
~~~ This is not something that Shante will allow to occur.
"Homey-Boo was dropping PHAT beats."
~~~ Our friend Boo was playing some wonderful music.
"YO!- Let me GAFFLE that BLUNT!"
~~~ Might I be able to indulge in your marijuana cigarette?
"JIMMY was on and I was HITTIN' it!"
~~~ I had in my possession a condom, which was used in my engagement of sexual activity.
"What's up? Why you ALL UP IN my s**t!?!"
~~~ Please sir/madam- stay out of my affairs.
"She is HELLA' CLOWIN' you HOMEY!"
~~~ The woman is creatively informing you that her interest in dating you is non-existant at this more...

On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.
"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast and then we make love. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make love. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we make love."
The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!"
So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!"

A young gay man calls home and tells his Jewish mother that he has decided to go back into the closet because he has met a wonderful girl and they are going to be married. He tells his mother that he is sure she will be happier since he knows that his gay lifestyle has been very disturbing to her.
She responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively, "I suppose it would be too much to hope that she would be Jewish?" He tells her that not only is the girl Jewish but from a wealthy Beverly Hills family. And her father is a doctor.
She admits she is overwhelmed by the news, and asks, "What is this wonderful girl's name?"
He answers, "Monica Lewinsky."
There is a pause, then his mother asks, "What happened to that nice black boy you were dating last year?"

Jewish mothers are wonderful
Abbe Caponovitch, a Jewish gangster, was dining at a kosher restaurant on New York`s Lower East Side, when members of the mob burst in and shot him full of lead. Abbe managed to stagger out of the restaurant and stumbled up the street to the block where his mother lived. Clutching his bleeding stomach, he then crawled up the stairs and banged on the door of his mother`s apartment, screaming, "Mama, Mama! Help me, Mama!"
His mother opened the door, eyed him up and down and said: "Bubbeleh, come in. First you eat, then you talk!"

A woman, calling a local hospital, said, "Hello, I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information regarding your patients. I'd like to find out if the patient is getting better, or doing as expected, or is getting worse". The voice on the other end of the line said, "What is the patient's name and room number?" She said, "Sarah Finkel, in Room 302." "I will connect you with the nursing station."
"3-A Nursing Station. How can I help You?"
"I would like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in Room 302."
"Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, her blood work just came back as normal, she's going to be
taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at twelve o'clock."
The woman said, "Thank God! more...