Wooden Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde was walking by the travel agent and saw a sign that said Cruise for $39. She walked in and plunked her money on the table.

The travel agent grabbed her, tied her to a wooden plank and threw her into the river out back. Another blonde walked in a few minutes later, plunked down her money and she too was grabbed, tied to a wooden plank and thrown into the river out back. The current was swift, so she caught up with the first blonde and they both floated together for a while.

She asked, "Do they serve drinks on this cruise?"

The first blonde said,.. . "They didn't last time."

one leg and a bicycle. 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses. so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it. one hand and a Clapper. green hair and thinks she's a tree. one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying. 10 fingers--all on the same hand. a glass eye with a fish in it. a short leg and walks in circles. a short arm and can't applaude. so many freckles she looks like a hamburger! three fingers and a banjo. a wooden leg with a kickstand on it. a bald head with a part and sideburns. a wooden leg with branches. so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.

Harry was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his proposal of marriage as he was sensitive about his wooden leg and a bit afraid no one would have him. In fact, he couldn't bring himself to tell his fiancee' about his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when she bought the dress, nor when they picked the time and place. All he kept saying was, "Darling, I've got a big surprise for you," at which she blushed and smiled bewitchingly.
The wedding night came and went, and the young couple were at last alone in their hotel room. "Now don't forget, Harry, you promised me a big surprise," said the bride.
Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his wooden leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wife's hand on the stump.
"Hmmmmm," she said softly, "that IS a surprise. But pass me the Vaseline and I'll see what I can do!"

Harry was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his proposal of marriage as he was sensitive about his wooden leg and a bit afraid no one would have him. In fact, he couldn't bring himself to tell his fiancee' about his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when she bought the dress, nor when they picked the time and place. All he kept saying was, "Darling, I've got a big surprise for you," at which she blushed and smiled bewitchingly.The wedding night came and went, and the young couple were at last alone in their hotel room. "Now don't forget, Harry, you promised me a big surprise," said the bride.Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his wooden leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wife's hand on the stump."Hmmmmm," she said softly, "that IS a surprise. But pass me the Vaseline and I'll see what I can do!"

There was this store that had three baths, a guy comes in and say's "can I use your bathroom?"

The guy who works at the store say's "ok there is three, a wooden one a metal one and a signing one."

The man say's "o.k. I'll go in the wooden one." Later on a nother guy comes in and say's "can I use your bathroom?" The clerk say's "There is a metal one and a signing one." The man say's "I'll go in the medal one." Later on another guy comes in and say's "can I use your bathroom?" The clerk say's "there is a singing one." The man goesae in it. After a long time, the first man comes out and say's "I don't like that one, I got slivers up my butt." The second one comes out and say's "I don't like that one because my butt got stuck." Then the last guy came out and said "I don't like that one because It sang "Do you see what I see?"

An enemy decoy, built in occupied Holland, led to a tale that has been told and retold ever since by veteran Allied pilots. The German “airfield, ” constructed with meticulous care, was made almost entirely of wood. There were wooden hangars, oil tanks, gun emplacements, trucks, and aircraft.
The Germans took so long in building their wooden decoy that Allied photo experts had more than enough time to observe and report it.
The day finally came when the decoy was finished, down to the last wooden plank. Early the following morning, a lone RAF plane crossed the Channel, came in low, circled the field once, and dropped a large wooden bomb.

A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night. He glanced across the room and noticed a very attractive woman with just one flaw, she had a very large nose. He was very self concious about his eye but got up the nerve to ask her for a dance. "Would you like to dance with me?" he asked. She replied "Would I!", and he sneered and told her,"BIG NOSE!"