Wooden Jokes / Recent Jokes
There were once three guys with no dicks. They all went to the doctor's.The first guy says, "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me!""What's the problem?" asks the doctor."I have no dick!"So the doctor gives him a metal dick and tells him to come back in a week.The next guy comes in and says, "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me!" "What's wrong?" the doctor asks."I have no dick!"The doctor gives him a wooden dick and tells him to come back in a week.The last guy comes in and has the same problem. The doctor gives him an electrical dick, and also tells him to come back in a week.A week later, the first guy with the metal dick goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, doctor, I hate you, I hate you!""Why?" asks the doctor."Well, everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, she starts to shiver!" He walks out.The next guy with the wooden dick comes in and says, "Doctor! I hate more...
Knock Knock
Who's there!
Wooden shoe!
Wooden shoe who?
Wooden shoe like to know!
Two drunks staggering home one night and one decides to take a shortcut through the cemetery.
Half way through an apparition appears. "What's that on your back?" the ghost asks.
"It's a hump" says the drunk The ghost puts his hand on the drunk's back and the hump disappears.
He races home and next night at the pub he tells his mate all about it.
His mate is amazed and says he is going through the cemetery that night because he has a wooden leg and wants a proper leg.
Again half way through the cemetery a ghost appears... "What's wrong with your leg?" he asks.
"It's a wooden leg," says the drunk.
"Have you got a Hump?" asks the ghost.
"No" replies the drunk.
So the ghost puts his hand on the drunk's back and says, "Here, you can have this one."
A blonde and her blonde boyfriend went for a walk along the river.The blonde walked across alone on a wooden bridge. After crossing the river, the bridge fell down.She called across to her blonde boyfriend telling him that she couldn't get back.He yelled in response, "Wait until dark, and I will shine my flash light across the river. Get on the light beam and walk back."She replied, "No, I'll get half way across the river, and you will turn the light off on me!"
A favorite pet-peeve of mine is the movie Pinnochio. You all remember. The movie about the old man building wooden dolls of boys and little girls. Then, some fairy comes down and brings him to life. And, instead of being freaked out by this, the old pervert embraces it and thinks it's ok to send him out into the real world. "You must go to school". Yeah, great idea, 11 minutes ago he was a mute wooden boy so you better get him out there to learn math and get his study on. And, it's always a good idea to give a dude with one foot in the grave a kid. The rest of the movie is full of bad kids, pinnochio smoking cigars, playing pool and then they turned little kids into donkeys. Hello! Am I the only one that sees a problem here. When this first came out kids must have been mortified. We try to keep our kids from saying bad words, seeing naked women and playing violent video games. However, it is ok to send the message that if you're bad you'll turn into a donkey and have to work more...
When did Pinocchio realize he had a wooden dick? When his hand caught on fire.
Excerpted from the book, Masquerade: The Amazing Camouflage Deceptions of World War II, by Seymour Reit; Signet, 1980.
Another enemy decoy, built in occupied Holland, led to a tale that has been told and retold ever since by veteran Allied pilots. The German "airfield," constructed with meticulous care, was made
almost entirely of wood.
There were wooden hangars, oil tanks, gun emplacements, trucks, and aircraft.
The Germans took so long in building their wooden decoy that Allied photo experts had more than enough time to observe and report it.
The day finally came when the decoy was finished, down to the last wooden plank. And early the following morning, a lone RAF plane crossed the Channel, came in low, circled the field once, and
dropped a large wooden bomb.
The footnote for this is: Several versions of this anecdote exist, the most reliable of which can be found in Major M. E. DeLonge's "Modern more...