Work Jokes / Recent Jokes
The tech support problem dates back to long before the industrial revolution, when primitive tribesmen beat out a rhythm on drums to communicate:
This fire help. Me Groog
Me Lorto. Help. Fire not work.
You have flint and stone?
Ugh
You hit them together?
Ugh
What happen?
Fire not work
(sigh) Make spark?
No spark, no fire, me confused. Fire work yesterday.
*sigh* You change rock?
I change nothing
You sure?
Me make one change. Stone hot so me soak in stream so stone not burn Lorto hand. Small change, shouldn't keep Lorto from make fire, right?
Most cricketers, who are not comfortable in conversing in English, go prepare for some standard questions that are asked to them when commentators chat with them during the awards ceremony.
Inzamam was once asked a different question after Pakistan won the match, for which he was not prepared. He always used his standard response to the first question after winning.
But this time..... Tony Greig: So Inzi, that's fantastic, your wife is pregnant for the second time and u must be happy!
Inzamam: Bismillah-e- Rehman-e- Rahim! All credit goes to the boys. Everyone work hard for it, especially Afridi. It was tight situation when he went in.
Also Bob Woolmer was keeping close watch on progress and giving instructions. It's all team effort. Insha Allah, we all will work together as a team, put in big effort and deliver good result all the time and will be able to REPEAT the same result.
Tony fainted!
1) The feebleness or banality of an excuse should never be a deterrent to its use.
2) Always put the blame on something that can't defend itself. Children, pets, inanimate objects, and relatives living in foreign countries make perfect scapegoats.
3) Whine convincingly.
4) Certain ailments work better than others as excuses. No doctor or machine in the world can prove that you don't have that headache.
5) Try to remember that nature allotted each of us only two grandmothers to attend funerals for.
And now, some excuses:
- I was going to mail it for your birthday, but then I couldn't find it, and by the time I found it, it was too late and I was embarrassed to send it to you.
- The baby threw up all over my dress, and we had to go home first to change.
- I'm taking care of a sick aunt...no, this is a different one.
- The car ran out of gas.
- Well, you never told me I couldn't do that.
- He started it.
- I have jet lag.
- I'd really more...
At a church meeting a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith.
"I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work.
" I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."
He finished and there was an awed silence at his testimony as he moved toward his seat. As he sat down a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him, "I dare you to do it again."
...This reminds me of something yesterday at work. A colleague was relating a conversation he had with his young daughter, just a bit over 2 years old. They were discussing geography and..."Where does mommy live?""Minneapolis.""Where does grandma live?""Baltimore.""Where does grandpa live?""Baltimore.""And where does daddy live?""At work!"Needless to say, he took the morning off that next day...
Q:How do you kill a circus?
A:Go for the juggler!
Juggler: "I think someone's out to get me"
Friend: "what makes you think that?"
Juggler: "Yesterday I received a package containing three hand grenades!"
Juggler walks into a bar with an alligator under his arm. Says to the barman' do you serve clowns here'
"sure" replies the barman.
'great' says the juggler' I'll have a beer for myself and a clown for my alligator.
Q: how many jugglers does it take change a light bulb?
A: Ten. One to change it, eight to say "I can do that" and the tenth to say "That's my trick!"
Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but they do it over and over and over again.
Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but they insist on showing each variation of possible changes.
Q: What's the more...
To really succeed in a business or organization, it is sometimes helpful to know what your job is, and whether it involves any duties. Ask among your coworkers.
"Hi," you should say. "I'm a new employee. What is the name of my job?"
If they answer "long-range planner" or "lieutenant governor," you are pretty much free to lounge around and do crossword puzzles until retirement. Most jobs,
however, will require some work.
There are two major kinds of work in modern organizations:
1. Taking phone messages for people who are in meetings, and,
2. Going to meetings.
Your ultimate career strategy will be to get a job involving primarily No. 2, going to meetings, as soon as possible, because
that's where the real prestige is. It is all very well and good to be able to take phone messages, but you are never going to get a position of power, a position where you can cost thousands of people their jobs with a single more...