Work Place Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young Marine and his commanding officer climbed on board a train headed through the mountains of Switzerland. The only place they could find to sit was right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it became obvious that the young woman and the young soldier were interested in each other, but the young woman kept glancing nervously at her grandmother.

Soon the train passed into a pitch black tunnel. There was the sound of a passionate kiss followed by the sound of a stinging slap. When the train emerged from the tunnel, the four sat there without saying a word.

The grandmother thought to herself: "It was very brash for that young soldier to kiss my granddaughter, and I'm glad she slapped him."

The commanding officer sat there thinking: "I figured he'd try to steal a kiss, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!"

The young woman was sitting and more...

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you."

"But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"

"Really? Great! Show me!"

So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

"Well," said the interviewer, more...

A young man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large trucker sit down at the counter and order, "Gimme three flat tires and a couple of headlights."

Bewildered, he goes to the kitchen and tells the cook, "I think this guy's in the wrong store, look at what he ordered!"

The cook says, "He wants three pancakes and two eggs sunny-side up."

The waiter takes a bowl of beans to the trucker.

He looks at it and growls, "What's this? I didn't order this!"

The young man tells him, "The cook says that while you're waiting for your parts, you might as well gas up!"

The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.

"Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late.

"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily,

"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it more...

Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"

Another one said, "How do you know?"

The first inmate said, "God told me!"

A voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"