Work Place Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two Italian construction workers were in the field on an extremely hot day working.. the one says to the other "hey how come we do all a da work and he gets all a da money?" pointing to the supervisor.

The other says, "I don't know, go ask him."

So Guido goes up to the supervisor and says "Hey, how come we do all a da work and you get all a da money?"

The supervisor says "Intelligence".

Guido says "what is this intelligence?"

The supervisor puts his hand on a tree and says "Hita my hand as hard as you can!"

Guido winds up and with all his might tries to hit the supervisors hand. Just as he almost does the supervisor pulls his hand away and Guido hits the tree!

The supervisor says "Thats intelligence".

Still smarting Guido goes back to his coworker and his coworker says "Hey what did he say?"

With a sheepish more...

A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police.

"For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom."

When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him, "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn't sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?"

"What?" said the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?"

"I gave it to the first one," said the wife, "he knew exactly where it was."

He brags about having delivered Strom Thurmond.

He leaves three times in the middle of surgery to pee.

He's always yelling at kids running across his waiting room.

Instead of hooking you up to an EKG, he accidentally wires you up to a TV set showing "Murder She Wrote".

He tells you about the latest in anesthesia.. . and then hands you a bullet to bite on.

He worked at Mt. Sinai.. . unfortunately it was with Moses.

Says he's skeptical about this new penicillin drug.

Says the tonsils will have to come out. The only problem is.. . he's giving you a rectal exam.

After installing a pacemaker, he says a second heart operation will be needed to retrieve his missing teeth.

After discovering he's out of colostomy bags, he says, "Here, use mine".

When he pulls out thermometer and says "102".. . he's talking about his age.

You see him tapping that more...

Why did the guru refuse Novocaine when he went to his dentist?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

***************

Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his crotch.

The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates."

The woman replies, "Yes. Now, we're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."

****************

A friend of mine went to the dentist recently. He commented that it must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth. He said, "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."

The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every day.

Each morning the judge was enraged that the coffee cup arrived two-thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.

None of the judge's yelling and insults produced a full cup of coffee, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk's pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less than the judge wanted.

The next morning he was greeted with a cup of coffee that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that.

The judge couldn't resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique.

"Oh, there's not much to it," admitted the clerk happily, "I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back in when I get more...

Four nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for, whom they all felt was an arrogant jerk. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor.

The first nurse said, "I stuffed cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear."

The second nurse said, "I let the mercury out of his thermometers and painted them all to read 106 degrees."

The third nurse said, "Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all of the condoms that he keeps in his desk drawer."

The fourth nurse fainted.

The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house. "You did a great job." he said and handed the man a check. "Also, as a bonus, here's an extra $80 to take the Mrs. out to dinner and a movie."

Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter. Thinking the man had forgotten something he asked, "What's the matter, did you forget something?"

"Nope." replied the painter. "I'm just here to take your Mrs. out to dinner and a movie like you asked."