Work Place Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy goes into the Post Office to interview for a job. The interviewer asks him "Are you a veteran?" The guy says "Why yes, in fact I served two tours in Vietnam." "Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any service related disabilities?" The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled: during a battle an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though."
"Sorry to hear about the damage but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8:00 to 4:00. Come on in about 10:00 and we'll get you started."
The guy says, "If working hours are from 8:00 to 4:00, why do you want me to come at 10:00?" "Well, here at the post office we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. Don't need you here for that!"
Dentists do it in your mouth.
Dentists do it orally.
Dentists do it with drills and on chairs.
Dentists do it with filling.
A sale representative stops at a small manufacturing plant in the Midwest. He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift.
"No, thanks," says the plant manager. "I tried smoking a cigar once and I didn't like it."
The sales rep shows his display case and then, hoping to clinch a sale, offers to take the manager out for martinis. "No, thanks," the plant manager replies. "I tried alcohol once, but didn't like it."
Then the salesman glances out the officer window and sees a golf course. "I suppose you play golf," says the salesman. "I'd like to invite you to be a guest at my club."
"No, thanks," the manager says. "I played golf once, but I didn't like it."
Just then a young man enters the office. "Let me introduce my son, Bill," says the plant manager.
"Let me guess," the salesman replies. "An only child?"
After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.
"Mr. James, you records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home." he said. "I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."
"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. James replied. "I hung him up to dry."
The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again."
"Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."
"This should be taken care of right away."
('d planned a trip to Kenya next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.)
"We'll see."
(First I have to check my malpractice insurance.)
"Let me check your medical history."
(I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.)
"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
(I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this is a waste of time.)
"I really can't recommend seeing a chiropractor."
(I hate those guys mooching in on our fees.)
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm."
(I haven't the faintest idea of what to do, but I'm trying to appear thoughtful while hoping the nurse will interrupt.)
"We have some good news and some bad news."
(The good news is that I'm going to buy that new BMW, and the bad more...