Working Jokes / Recent Jokes
How do you know when a blonde has been working on your computer? There's white out on the screen and lipstick on the joystick!
A bartender was working the late shift. While he was working, a beautiful blonde woman walked in and took a seat at the bar. She ordered up a Coors and sat there drinking for a while. Suddenly, the woman passed out cold on the stool. The bartender had a sudden thought, and so he cautiously looked around. Seeing that no one was around, he closed up the bar, and took advantage of the situation.
The next night, the bartender was, again, working the late shift, but some of his friends stopped by, so he told them about the previous night and his good time with the blonde woman. All of a sudden, the blonde walks in again. The bartender motions to his friends that she is the same lady. The lady sits down at the bar and orders another Coors. Eventually, she passes out. The bartender closes up shop, and him and all his friends take their turns.
The next night, the bartender is working the late shift. His friends show up, with all of their friends, and so there is a huge crowd in the more...
Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.
A guy thought his wife was cheating on him. So he waited for her to leave that night and jumped in a cab to follow her. By following her he found out she was working in a whorehouse. The guy says to the cabbie, "Wanna make a $100?" The cabbie says, "Sure, what do I have to do?".
The guy replied that all the cabbie has to do was go inside the whorehouse and grab his wife and put her in the back of the cab and take them home. So the cabbie goes in.
A couple of minutes later the whore house gets kicked open, and the cabbie is dragging this women out who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the cab. The cabbie opens the door to the cab, throws the girl inside, and tells the man, "Here hold her!!"
The man looks down at the girl and says to the cabbie, "THIS AIN'T MY WIFE".
The cabbie replied, "I KNOW, IT'S MINE; I'M GOING BACK IN FOR YOURS!!"
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to work twelve hours a day. - Robert Frost
Here are some of the submissions of actual comments, notices, and statements coming out of different companies:
As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning entry; Fred Dales at Microsoft Corporation )
What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)
How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff? (Programming intern, Microsoft IIS Development team)
E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. (Accounting Mgr., Electric Boat Company)
This project is so important, we can`t let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Mktg. Mgr., UPS)
Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We`ve been more...
After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraidof spending the rest of her life alone, she decided to marry. She hadbeen with so many perverted men over the years that she felt sheneeded a change and would only get one by marrying a virgin male nearher age. She took out ads in newspapers around the world seeking a malevirgin who was 55 years old. She finally narrowed her choice to anAustralian computer programmer. After a thorough background check, she was satisfied that he hadindeed never been with a woman and they were married. On theirwedding night, she went into the bathroom to change into her nightie. When she came back out, she found that her new husband had taken thebed and everything in the room and stacked it in one corner of theroom. Thinking this was rather kinky, she said to her husband, "Ithought you had never been with a woman."He replied, "That's true, but if it's anything like screwing akangaroo, we're going to need all the room we more...